tigresslilly

I left the guild of annoyance today.  I thought about saying something first and then I looked around a bit and thought some more on it.  There's one possibly two people I respect there.  Everyone else is very much like the guild leader or worse.  I don't think the guild leader is the person who doesn't fit, I think I'm the person who doesn't fit. In the end it wasn't worth the hassle and the inevitable banning, pms, and random hate thread.   I just moved on to greener pastures.

List of Things Different that I've noticed:

1. ( Cut cause it will be long and possibly boring )

*Note, I'm talking about gaia guild drama.  It may relate back to the pagan scene in general or at least my interation therein too.  I won't know till it's written. 

I know that starting with Halloween and going through Christmas on gaia and other places I dwell a lot of "pagan" topics come up.  I know most of them are created by misinformed people.   For the most part I sit back and watch.  Sometimes I add bits and pieces where I can.  It doesn't generally bother me.  Fluffies, harassers, and so on are usually amusing to me.  It's part of the reason I can be a part of a large number of guilds and groups online, because fluff for the most part rolls off my back.  I correct where I can and I move on.  It isn't my beliefs what could I care?  

That being said, one of my gaia guilds is really under my skin right now.  There's a lot of factors involved, the first is that the guild leader has no tolerance for opinions that descent from hers. 

She created this post about "dangerous stones" where she talks about stones that apparently try to suck out here soul.  To me, it looks like a Mr. Dark, but  Idon't know a lot about stones in general, so I ask a few questions about her experience and her sourcing. 

It's all experienced based because, you know we can't trust books.  Fine, I know what I'm dealing with and instead of saying anything, mostly because she's in charge of the group, I just stop posting and watch.   Some people are mystified, others agree, others attempt akward jokes, it's expected.  This one poster comes in and explains her take on what happened. 

She said: "You are talking about the things that come out of the ground and are primarily composed of carbon, correct?

If this is the case, I would ask how a stone contains any sort of disposition other than the one we impose on it.

If I had to take my guess I would say that your experience is probably not due to intrinsic properties of the stones themselves, but of your disposition towards them. That is, if you believe that a stone is stealing your energy is it because you believe the stone is stealing your energy.  "

Personally, I thought it was a pretty nice way to tell this girl that soul stealing stones are highly unlikely and perhaps  what she experienced what more in her head than anything else (reasonable point to make in almost any pagan experience, not just the ones that seem completely unreasonable). 

The op goes off on a huge rant about how dare this other person call her crazy.  How dare she think she knew all the answers.  Insert even worse What the Bleep do We Know science.  Insert random insults.  Insert threats to ban said member/ suggestions that closeminded people leave the guild.  Ah, and a personal favorite insert experitse in energy work and insistence at this person's amateur status in this areana.

This goes on back and forth between a the angry op and a few disagreeing people (I'm included in disagreeing, I was only trying to point out that providing an alternative opinion isn't always a way to say that said person's take is wrong, only that there are more likely solutions or at least others to consider).  Eventually she asserts that there is at the very least someone more right and that this venue is closed in her thread.  Her thread is about dangerous stones and she isn't interested in discussing ANYTHING else that comes up here.  I let things go again because, she's partially right that we've gotten off topic and because she's the guild leader. 

She warns anyone else who attempts to keep up the convo and eventually mindless dribble returns.  That's all fine until some poor girl comes in and says:
"Perhaps the term "dangerous" is subjective.

I don't believe that I have a "soul," first of all, so something that sucks my soul away would not be feasible.

Secondly, hematite, for instance, is "generally" (with few exceptions), a "good" stone for people. But it's horrible for me. It feels like it's trying to purify me, and I don't do purification.

I also don't do grounding, but whatever.

This isn't just the hematite I've gotten, but also hematite from friends who claim it works wonderfully well for them.

Some stones are just out to get you, and some aren't. Rarely is it that a single stone doesn't work well for everyone no matter what.  "

Op comes back and is nasty to her.  In her rebuttal she includes:
"Just because you "don't believe" you have a soul doesn't mean you don't. Anyways, if you didn't, a stone would be the least of your worries, for sure. Soul is our will, our emotion. Without a soul you have no free will, and would thus just be a complicated program. You can believe whatever you want, I am just pointing out that what you believe and what is real isn't necessarily the same thing."

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.  If anyone is being rude and mean when it comes to differing views, it's her.  But she's the guild leader so I don't know whether or not to say something.  I'll probably be banned.  But the flip side is that I really want to leave the guild at this point in time.  Should I quietly leave or should I just go for the jugular and call this chick out for her bull? 

Meh, I have to think about it some still.

( Lots of quizes )

Seems to be a host of words I'd consider not gendered along with obviously gendered words (he and she) that are listed on a sliding point scale depending on I don't know actually. Oh and there are apparently more male gendered words (just one, but still) than there are female gendered words so it's easier to tip male vs female just on the volume of "male" coded words.

So feminine words are: with, if, not, where, be, when, your, her, we, should, she, and, me, myself, hers, was.

Masculine words are: around, what, more, are, as, who, below, is, these, the, a, at, it, many, said, about, to.

Seems kind of stupid to me, are these words gendered in other languages?

So I found a meme that analyzes your lj. I'm not a cool person who can code that into analyzing my ij so my lj stats were:

The Blogalyser reveals...

Your blog/web page text has an overall readability index of 14.

This suggests that your writing style is conventional
(to communicate well you should aim for a figure between 10 and 20).Your blog has 43 sentences per entry, which suggests your general message is distinguished by verbosity
(writing for the web should be concise).

CHARACTER MATRIX

male		female
self		world
past		future

Your text shows characteristics which are 53% male and 47% female
(for more information see the Gender Genie).
Looking at pronoun indicators, you write mainly about yourself, then the world in general and finally your social circle. Also, your writing focuses primarily on the present, next the past and lastly the future.
</small>
Find out what your blogging style is like!

What was of particular interest to me was the "male to female" ratio. What makes writing male or female and should I consider writing slightly more male dominated good or bad?

Now, I couldn't actually swap over to the ij but I can cut and paste my current top twenty entries into the text available box and see what happens. Ignore the verbosity index. While I'm still more wordy than less, I am getting less wordy and I've never been THAT wordy.

The Blogalyser reveals...

Your blog/web page text has an overall readability index of 13.

This suggests that your writing style is conventional
(to communicate well you should aim for a figure between 10 and 20).Your text contains 474 sentences, which suggests your general message is distinguished by verbosity
(writing for the web should be concise).

CHARACTER MATRIX

male		female
self		world
past		future

Your text shows characteristics which are 53% male and 47% female
(for more information see the Gender Genie).
Looking at pronoun indicators, you write mainly about yourself, then the world in general and finally your social circle. Also, your writing focuses primarily on the present, next the past and lastly the future.
</small>
Find out what your blogging style is like!

Good to know my readability has increased. It also seems I've gotten more nostalgic, which is honestly a little odd.

Last meme but not least (and again it applies to my lj though it's probably close to my ij) is my personality test. It's a bit disappointing but oh well.

So, tigresslilly, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 2% unique (blame, for example, your interest in thought form magic) and 26% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy writing). When it comes to friends you are normal. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is conventional.

Your overall weirdness is: 16

(The average level of weirdness is: 29.
You are weirder than 32% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

Written in Wine: A Devotional Anthology for Dionysos This was suggested to me from a friend on gaia.  She admits her bias to the work as she's published in it, but I really like Nuri and I love her descriptions of her own views of faith and worship, so I can only see that as a bonus.  I'm not a follower of Dionysos, but there are aspects that resonate, so it would be interesting to go to the library for a read.  At this point in time it isn't something I'lll desire to reference later so it isn't of interest to purchase.    

A Modern Herbal by Margret Grieves:  I'm always interested in herbalism but my working practice with it is questionable at best.  I'd be extremely hesitant to buy another herbal book until I'd read it and identified that there was something better or different or more useful in it than those I already have and reference scarecly at best.  On the other hand, I highly enjoy reading lore of any kind, so reading it would probably be intersting and if the science is intelligeble, then all the better.   

Plants of the Gods: Their Sacred, Healing, and Hallucinogenic Properties:  This is by Richard Evan Schultes and Albert Hofmann so if you're going to read about the etimology of Sacred herbs that send you on a trip, I can't think of a better pair to get together with their research to write it.   I have to admit a high curiousity to these differing plants and their traditional use as well as their chemical breakdown and actual effects on the body.  Part of my curiousity stems from knowing people who have interacted with drugs and spirituality and their experiences seem similar to some I've had (though pretty much all of my experiences have been drug free, there are a few unplanned events I'd consider spiritual that have happened while drunk, but the drinking wasn't religiously motivated or part of ritual so I'm not certain how much any of that counts anyhow).   There are a lot of mixed opinions reguarding drug use in ritual and I kind of feel behind in my research and general opinion creation in this area.  Of course, I found an ebay sale for this book that was only $1.50 (another three dollars to ship, when the book is priced at amazon for  $14.48 is apparently too much for me to pass up)  so I couldn't resist bidding on that, but if my bid fails through, the library I will be going eventually.  

A World Full of Gods: An Inquiry Into Polythesim by John Michael Greer:   There was some controversy over the quality of this book amoung people I generally consider reliable on these kind of sources.   However, I found the controver was over the author more than this book and with his history, I can see why other works of his might be problematic. My interest in this book is two fold really.  One is that it was reccomended highly by Nuri and I really liker her different intpretations on faith and I generally enjoy her sources and references.  The other is that I've recently been reading Drawing Down the Moon (which I'll go into some first thoughts on the first 50 or so pages in a latter post) and part of what's really grabbed my interest is Adler's discussion of polythesim.  I have some issues with her details too, but more interst than issues at the moment and as I result I'm fairly interested in reading more along those lines.    This is probably a library first to test the waters but if it's useful it will probably be desired in the collection files.

Embracing the Moon by Yasime Galenorn:   I think I might be past this kind of "how to" book in my practice and faith, but it never heards to sift through another person's take.  Especially when Yasime is apparently highly reccomended (though I've never read her).   I'm also interested in looking at a few of her other works these includes:  Sexual Ecstacy& the Divine: The Passion and Pain of Our Bodies , Dancing With the Sun (which is apparently out of print), and Trancing The Witches Year (another I can't find via the amazon).  
    

 

It occurred to me this afternoon after the mate left for work, that this apartment pic was really all about my comfort.  Somewhere between watching the little bunnies that are in the area frolic and the kids play across the street, I realized that I was living in a family centered neighborhood.  We're in a series of smaller apartments that might work for a family of three, but we're right next to a ton of upper middle class family apartment housing.  We are less than five minutes from one of the elementary schools, jr high schools, and high schools.  The area we live in is an area most reminiscent of New England (where we both hail from).  And he set up our living space so there would be lots of sun and so it would almost mimic exactly how my townhouse in college was set up.

Perhaps I should have picked this up sooner  or perhaps it should have become clear sometime earlier when he kept nervously asking about how I liked the apartment.  Or when I went to his parents house and they wanted to know my take on the apartment.  It had been clear that they had some hang ups about what he had eventually chosen.  Maybe they felt living in a family centered neighborhood implied that I or he wanted to have children.  I very much do want kids, but in about seven to ten years from now.   While children love him, he is a little gun shy around them.   No, no, the family friendly atmosphere is just because he knows I find that kind of atmosphere comforting and generally safe.  I really like children and generally I'm good at "managing them"-- is that the nice way to say take care of, entertain, discipline, teach, feed, and so on?

Anyhow, I feel stupid for not realizing earlier that a large part of my immediate comfort and liking of my new home is directly related to a lot of care and thought on the mate's part.  It couldn't have been easy for him since some of the arrangements are not one's he'd have picked out for himself.

On other news I'm proud of the yummy meals I'm making on a thirfty budget.  It's kind of fun pulling together odds and ends to make a healthy cheap meal.  Today I made a pan fried porkchop (I used corn meal, salt, pepper, chayenne pepper, an garlic to season) with grits toped with some canned stewed tomatoes.  Tomatoes rock and are unbelievably cheap.   Admittedly it probably would have been cheaper to by flour instead of corn meal, but I know how to do more with corn meal that I do with flour.   Still used to a gluten free kitchen and all that.  I keep looking at my box of cheap wheat filled pasta and wondering where my cheap rice or expensive corn pasta is in it's place.   I'm sure I can phase back in the wheaty goodness though.

I've been grilling the bagels in the morning and the mate is impressed.  The first day I asked him if he wanted a grilled bagel and he kind of sniffed at me and told me we had a toaster, and I told him that he'd get it once I made him one.  Now he's really into them.  Keeps telling me that he's never had them like this outside of a resturant.   Makes sense I suppose.  I would never have had them outside of a resturant if my mother hadn't introduced me to it.  She actually taught me to make them this way when I was like seven because I kept setting the toaster on fire.  See I wanted the butter on the bagel/bread/whatever before I started toasting.  As we all know, butter is highly flamable, it hits a coil and the whole thing is up in flames.    Anyhow, the up shot is that cooking a bagel in a pan sort of requires you to butter before cooking, which does make the whole thing a little amazing.  And also gave me more confidence in my cooking abilities when I was young because I could make toast without torching the house.   I suppose I should note now for any concerned parties that my mother did not just leave me with hot burner to fiddle for myself.  I learned to cook this and many other things in phases with together work and alone work where I was intially monitered but not interferred with.  I do think that you can teach and allow a child (depending on maturity) to cook with supervision simple things as early as five.  In my experience it makes the child more aware of the dangers of a stove instead of less.

But back to the present, I really want to get some Halloween cookie cutters to make Halloween cookies with, but it will have to wait until I have a job and an income. 

So I've officially dropped all time swap oddness.   Today I woke up at 9:30 am and now I know that I've gotten over any potential bonus or negative of the time swap mojo.     

Tommorrow I go to the two schools around the corner to see if they have any substitute teaching positions open.  One's a high school and the other is an elementary.  I'd prefer high school but elementary is fine too.  Both are less than five minutes from my new home.  After that I'm going to see if I can figure out where the community college is and apply for anything there.  The mate's mother was saying that there are people of all sorts of mixed levels of education teaching there and they are always looking, so I'm hopeful. 

If at the end of two weeks I still have nothing promising, I'll throw my lot in with the temp agencies and I'll got to the mate's work.  They've as good as said that they will give me a job.  It will be retail, but I know the benefits aren't bad and I know they'll treat me well and I know they'll use me.   All better than unknown retail.   

Not much of an update right now.  The internet is on the fritz.  I'm unpacking still (we need drawers and stuff for me to finish that).  The plants are doing well.  Mate likes spore (as do I of course).  We have food now and that makes me happy.    I sort of know my way around all that happy stuff.  I'm writing some and I hope that I'll be settled enough by the end of Oct to look into potential publishing for some of m work.  We'll see though.   Till then, I'm over and out.

Mate and I celebrated our year and a half drunk anniversary yesterday.  We've got two, one where a drunk baby asked me out and I told him that I'd say yes, but couldn't until he came and asked me out sober (happened on the 28th, so the anniversaries are close, we usually just celebrate the most convenient one).  The other one sports a red faced, can't make eye contact, flower toting, nervous as anything stuttering mess.   I found both rather pleasant.    

We found out that there is delicious Chinese in the area that gives you enormous portions that we'll feast on today as well.    I had some Asti to celebrate the occasion and he joined me before swapping to gin and tonic.      I drank most of the bottle and that makes it the most alcohol I've drank without getting ridiculously drunk.  Heck, it's the most I've drank since college.   Let me say that drinking in college and drinking in the real world is very different.  Maybe what's different is drinking with just the bf vs drinking in false joviality with a lot of peers all interested in doing stupid or ridiculous stuff.  

Anyhow I feel worlds better today than I have been feeling.  I'm still waking up at quarter to eight without prompting, but I'm sleeping and eating in a WY schedule now and I feel awake and alert and  better oriented and happy.  I was really grumpy yesterday and pretty miserable.  I feel bad because I met the mate's dad and sister for the first time and though I think I was probably ok, I wasn't really on my A game.  Though, I don't really think it's fair to ask someone to be on their A game after the travel I did.   I mean I met his mom my first full day here and then his dad and sis the second.   I understand why they would want to meet me, but at the same time I needed some down time too.   

Doesn't matter, I feel better now and I'm fairly certain that if I didn't make an A+ impression, I at least didn't make an ass of myself. 

One thing I love about Wyoming, the summer I felt I missed in New England I'm enjoying here.  The kind of weather I very much wanted in the spring and summer is here now.  I was having trouble coming to terms with fall and now, I get a chance to enjoy the summer weather, even if it is out of season.  The flowers are still in bloom here.  There are sunflowers everywhere.  It's in the 70s.  There's just the right amount of cloud coverage.  I even sort of like the cowboy thing.  I mean it's kind of campy and I can see it growing on me....as long as I don't have to take it too seriously that is.  They've got a silhouette of a guy riding a bucking horse they call cowboy Joe and I'm already growing a bit of a soft spot for him.   

One thing no one talked to me about when they spoke of the Midwest, was just the sense of space.  There's so very much of it here.  I think it's the combination of flat and the lack of trees that does it, but I mean things just go on and on.  My first impressions of that look is that I like it, we'll have to see if it sticks.  I do tend to over romanticize things quite a bit.  

And no one prepared me for the Midwest's beauty.  I mean the corn and the wheat fields and the sunflowers and the fields of little yellow flowers that I think will be squash and the cows and horses.  It was just amazing.  And yeah, I'm pretty sure I touched on this already, but I don't think I can emphasize how much I liked it or how worth seeing it really is. 

Of course I'm one for green in my scenery and I like rolling plains.  I like the sun.  I have always liked the out doors and had an interest in farm life.  I can see how if you didn't like those things, the Midwest might not be a trip worth making.

It's noon and I'm letting the mate sleep, but I can't believe how long he can lay in bed.  I was up at eight, he got up at ten to demand snuggles and I managed to escape around eleven fifteen.  It's not that I don't like cuddling, but if there isn't talking or plans to move or sleep involved, I'm far too fidgety for that.   I we cuddled last night, now we're burning daylight though and there's stuff I want to do.  Go out shopping and getting the stuff we forgot for one thing.  Peak at the Barnes and Nobles because I have a big gift card for there and I could always use the books.  

Finally unpack all the plates so I'm not rummaging around for bits and pieces.  It would be much easier if he unpacked the plates because I can't reach the cabinets at all.  I'm too short.  I don't mind using a chair or whatever, but hopping up and down to get the supplies and then to stick them in the drawers is more work than him just shoving all the stuff where he wants it.

At least we signed up for wireless.  We'll have that on the second.  Till then its hit and miss stolen internet for me. 

I saw "No Country for Old Men" last week before I left for Wyoming and it was really really disappointed.   

I mean I had reservations.  It never really looked like my kind of movie,it seemed like the kind of thing you're either into or your not (and I'd be the type that is not).  Still, it was reviewed well and pitched as "my kind of thing".   Quite a few (and by that I mean two out of like four) of my friends really liked it and thought the world of it.  They claimed the whole thing would make me really "disturbed with life" and the world for a bit.  Maybe part of the problem was too much build up.  

So when my family decided to watch it, I stayed because, well you know, good reviews, might like, nothing better to do.  

I don't like.  In fact, I think a big problem is that I don't at all get.  For me, I pick up dialog clues and color visuals.  If that isn't part of the "clues" or whatever, I'm not going to pick up on it no matter how "masterfully" it was done. 

My mother pointed out that there was a geometric circle thing going on, which I noticed a could of times, but without her mention of it, I'd never have pulled together.   I saw (SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT ON...THIS WAS THE WARNING)   the repeat cycle in how the "hero" got into the car accident, and then paid for a jacket and beer and how at the end the "villian" was in the same position.  I also noticed how weird it was that the villian had what I thought (and I don't know a lot about weapons or camera angles) a ridiculously large silencer on his gun...or how the shots really made the silencer stand out.  I also thought it was odd that when the "hero" found the tracking device in the money and was shot at, he jumped out the window he actually went back in the hotel to see the dead clerk and through the back door, what logical reason was there to make that move?  Some of that came together a bit when my mom pointed out the other "circles" and repetitions in the move that seemed to in her mind "heavy handedly" and in my mind not pop at all bring the viewer to the conclusion that what was happening in the movie was cycliar and would keep going on.  

She thought the message for the cop was that the whole, cycle and chain of evens was something he could work all his life to effect and would never touch.  The movie proved how little he'd done and drew him to the conclusion that you either die in chain or remaind outside it.  This is of course what drove him to retirement and lead him to conclude that this is "no country for old men".  

My problems here:

-I would NEVER have come to that conclusion without someone else drawing me that picture, because for me, that's not how I'm hardwired and the clues left to bring me to that conclusion were completely lost on me. 

-Even if that is the message and intent of the movie, I don't relate enough to the cop or the cop's experience to care.  I don't get him or his position.  I thought we'd have a couple more illuminating moments for him, but I found his scenes disjointed, choppy, jarring, and confusing.  It puzzled me how someone who could follow a killer's waste so well and have such a complete understanding of what was going on there, didn't seem able to take that info and make an impact.  I mean there were a lot of things he could have done to get the wife to talk to him, he did't do that.  That scene where he talked her made me think that he actually wasn't interested in helping her or her husband of solving the case.  I wondered if he was purposely trying to put the whole mess out of his hands.

-There were tons of nuances and suprefolous scenes for my way of thinking.  We didn't need that whole coin flipping aspect in the criminal.  We didn't need the business guy who hired the other guy to stop crazy villian man.  That made NO SENSE to me at all and if didn't add good dialog or a shade of understanding that the characters didn't already had.  I didn't get how crazy villian knew who the other guy looking for the money was or how he got back to suit guy.  I didn't get the Mexicans involvement, for my money that was just a chance to stereo type Mexicans as drug dealers and incompetent ones at that.  I don't get the scene where the sheriff goes back to the hotel where the main hero was killed and the crazy dude is behind the door and doesn't kill the sheriff.  Why is it there and what did it mean.  

-The only person I even sort of related to was the guy who took the money and ran from crazy villian dude.  When he died,  I couldn't figure out why the movie was still running.  Wife was clearly a prop that would die now that she wasn't useful anymore.  Some might argue that her death was a mercy considering the crazy dude had already taken everything from her (family, money, job, ect)

-What was crazy guy's connection to the money?  I mean was he just like crazy obbessed or whatever?  Do Not Get.

Over all this movie really made you work for a pay off I don't think (can't be sure of course) I would have appreciated or resonated with.  Next time you want a bunch of working class, white male hicks obessed with drugs and money to resonate with me for a larger purpose-actually don't bother.  Either make it a good action flick where I might be entertained by you know the action. give me ANY relatable character, or you know throw me a clue I can master.  Don't rely on your repuation and a disjointed, jarring, poor story line construction to lull me into amazement.  And certainly don't expect my lack of understanding to equal being impressed or awed.  Way too arrogant for that kind of bullshit here, thanks.

Overall no country for old men is also apparently no country for anyone who watches movies for entertainment or a good little jaunt or thinking without mounds of effort or understanding of "symbols".

Notes to self will include:  

-Not now or ever (ever being the next six or so months) consider marrying the current bf.  Travel tiredness combined with his odd job hours, my own job rumbles, just getting here after a decent separation time, and many other varying factors make this line of thought both ridiculous and dangerous.  

-Leaving a sleepy and semi-cranky bf in the bed to sleep while I wander only to have left an alarm to get him up when I want is not funny.  It's cruel and inconsiderate and---well hilarous and it makes my "get up at a reasonable hour" campaign easier.  It's not my fault that he reacts to it like a cat doused with water.   **Updated Note*** this trick doesn't work at all even when I told him when I wanted us up an moving yesterday and I compromised on when we'd move to be better for him (10 am instead of 8, I thought it was generous of me to split the time between when he would get up 12 or later and when I get up 8, apparenlty not generous enough).  grrrrrrrrrrrrr.  This will need more work.

-Must eventually talk to Ian about why he "could" move with us to Wyoming, but he wouldn't want to.  These include but are not limited to the fact that I'm uncomfortable with any guns in my home and I wouldn't let him keep his here.  Or that I selfishly want what would be his room to be a knitting, mediation, sun room, and study area.  Or that I want him hooked up with a therapist and an effective anger management technique.  And there will be no illegal substances in my home and I won't put up with him developing an booze problem, which happens when he gets into a funk.  I suppose the cream de la cream here is that his staying here would have to be for no more than six months, enough to get a job and move out, or at least I think so.

-Need to get make a list of furniture to collect.

You are a Social Liberal (75% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (11% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

</center>

I'm exhausted and suffering the worst jet lag ever (an especially interesting event because I drove and I've never suffered jet lag before), but I'm here in Wyoming.  

A few thoughts while they still have my attention. 

• Driving west is like racing the sun.  It really did make me think of that story where Appollo races a mortal...I don't remember more than that, but I felt that way-especially when I started jumping time zones.  
  
• I can drive 10 to 12 hours without breaks (except for gas and bathroom) without a lot of  overhead on my part.
• Driving alone across country is not the least bit scary or whatever.  I was really only worried about hotels and that wasn't a problem.  I'm not exactly sure what problems would occur at a hotel, but none of them happened.  Completely 100% fine.
  
• The midwest is really beautiful.  I expected boring, but I never really got tired of looking at everything. Maybe it was just so not what I expected (though I couldn't tell you what I did expect) that it kept me looking.  I don't know, I wish there had been areas to just stop and take pictures.  Going through the midwest during harvest season is highly reccemended.  
  
• I have a lot of back posting to do but I didn't have time to get to when I was packing this last week. 
  
• Still need a job.
• Still think it's odd to be here and rather surprised that I'm far away from my family.  It's not bad, it just sort of comes up on me by surprise. 
  
• Still can't quite believe I quit my old job.  
  
• More to com as I think on it
  

I had been on break from feminist blogs for the past month or so.  That happens from time when I get news over load or when I start to feel like I'm reading the same thing over and over again.   I'm tenatively back to reading them. 

Anyhow, my favs are feministe, shakesville, and curvature.  I have another 17 or so that I follow more or less regularly and depending on my mood and the kinds of coverage, I jump favorites too. 

And this is still not on topic.  I really need better focusing skills. 

Anyhow Renee has been blogging over at feministe, though she also blogs at womanist musings.  I always read her posts because I either really agree or really don't with her take.  I find that her style can be really grating, but usually when I stop and really think about why I have a problem with her posts, I learn something new about me or my views.  So keep being conroversial Renee.  

But yes, she's written a post about what she calls Lipstick Feminism vs Dressing the Part".  I just want to start out by saying that I find the whole premises somewhat insulting.  I know there are feminists who find fashion empowering and feminists who view it as another control instrument for the patriarchy.   I know these women often clash bitterly.  Names are called and feelings are hurt. 

I still think that calling any person or any group a "lipstick feminist" is insultig.  I mean what a person chooses to wear is their choice and even when people do take time and care with their appearance, it doesn't mean that their looks are their main focus, as labeling them by their grooming seems to imply. 

Also drawing a division of either or is a huge problem.  I know "fashion feminists"  and for them it's about looking and feeling good.  They've got quite a few pieces in their wardrobes that  they lik and other women like, but men seem to abhor.  It's hard to argue that these women are slaves to the male gaze (not that women wearing outfits both genders like are).  I also know women who balance comfort and fashion or who acknowledge that some comformity is needed to live in society.  There is a range and I think that most women realize that how one dresses, like many other topics is a CHOICE thing.  Just like choosing to keep an unplanned pregnancy doesn't make you anti-feminist, choosing to wear whatever doesn't make you anti-feminist. 

Another language problem I have is the use of "cat fight".  I know Renee states in the work that she hesitates to use the word, but that's not enough.  Cat fight is a term generally used to lessen or demean conflicts and issues women have with other women.  I don't think its really acceptable to use it, especially on a topic that is stereo-typed as being "cat fightish" the lipsticks vs the baggy shirts and whatever.   I don't know the same person who brought us the post on words used to "silene", "discredit", or "belittle" using those words strikes me as wrong.  

Past the language, Renee has a point and I think it's important to make.  It has me a little sore because as of late, I'll I've heard about is my privledge, but no one seems to be offering things I can do to about that.  I think something that people forget too sometimes (not necissarily Renee, this is more general) that what I can do is limited.  I can't afford to buy sweat shop labor free clothes.  Maybe one or two pieces but not a whole collection.  Even then, where do I go for said clothing that is both fairly mainstreamish, would fit me, and wouldn't break my budget? 

Where is the money to convert from my "gas guzzler" car (which I never considered a Crown Vic to be) to an eco friendly car?   How can anyone expect me to eat food that was grown "earth friendly" and would be better for me?  I mean I can't do it all. 

I have a ton of privledge, no questions, but every cause wants me to step up.  I have to balance all the needs and my personal needs too.  I find it preachy and presumptious on people in general's part to tell me how I should live and to tell me what I have that I should strive to do better with.  I'm doing the best I can.  I like to think that most people are.  However I can't give or give up for all causes either.  Just a thought.  

So I've been doing three people's jobs this past week right?  I mean I was doing my job, plus the job of the employee who quit a month ago and then on top of that I was doing all the contract, change orders, potential change orders, insurance, and minute meetings for all the jobs because the woman who does that was on vacation. 

I should start by saying I've never done the work that I suddenly had to do and only had a sheet of paper for reference.  Obviously there wee some bits of work I just couldn't do because there was no description.  

I should add too that there was a TON of work.  So much that the lazy office manager finally came in to give me some relief and my boss stepped back a bit because he realized I couldn't do everything and this other woman's job was a priority.  

Well she came back to work today, and yeah there was was for her to do.  It wasn't much compared to how much I'd been doing.  The basket only had a few papers and I organized them all so that she be able to just get to typing when she came back.  She had the nerve to be annoyed at ME because she had work to do.  The woman actually told me to my face that she had A LOT of work to do.  I did that job two weeks and I can honestly say what she had relative to what I experienced in that job WAS NOT a lot.  It wasn't even a decent amount.  It was very slim fucking pickings. 

These past few weeks I felt bad for her.  I could see how she might actually have a lot to do (even if some of my problem was being new to the material, it was still a lot most days).  Now she comes back and has the gall to complain about that nothing pile left for her. 

I'm revoking any sympathy she gained from doing a job that is more unbearable than mine.

I love this icon by the by. 

Any how all tagging of the moment is complete. 

I've been commenting a lot.  Please, while I like commenting, don't get too used to it.  Some of it is a defense mechanism.  I don't want to look to much at my life, I'd have a panic attack if I stopped to think about moving across country to an ultra conservative area to a bf I don't know what the future holds with while I leave a steady job for no job out there yet.  yeah even typing it gets me breathing fast. 

But I should go upstairs,  I spent most of today cleaning my room.  While throwing out cloths and sorting jewerly and makeup happend as well as throwing some things out...anyone who knows me cleaning up if actually code for moving stuff around to make a bigger mess in a different area.  Right now that bigger mess is on my bed and if i want to sleep I need to put it on the floor--though ideally in a way that doesn't completely counter act the spirit of cleaning.  I don't know, it will probably go back to the corner I cleaned out.  Night all.

Jeff got a facebook which meant I was able to ask him about the book he suggested to me in this post.  It's called Lord of Light be Roger Zelazny.

Just figured I'd throw that out there for my use and maybe others if they were interested. 

It's occurred to me that I've bee sloppy with my tags.  I'm going to do what I can to fix that.  I think I'm the only one who cares, but its late fore me and I like typing what I'm going to do.

Oh and no one who cares reads this, but Lauren is so not over Jeff yet.  Man that bit of interaction on his facebook is interesting.

Gave my two weeks today.

So the good news was that it wasn't as hard as I thought and as bad as my job is, my boss really is a nice guy.  He was fair and understanding about  it all. 

The bad news is that I was so relieved and so interested in being accommodating I agreed to work three extra days to train a replacement if my boss could arrange someone (hey Kathleen, is Anne still looking for a job?).  My bf is going to be pissed when I tell him (sometime later tonight when and if he calls).    And I'm worried for my dad (he insists on escorting me and I don't want him to have to take too much time off).  

At least all went relatively well and it could have been much worse.  I'm more relieved and happy than worried really.

C'est la vie.