tigresslilly

Been working for about five weeks on my feet and its long enough for me to conclude a few things.  My foot is definitely broken or fractured severely enough that there's this sickening shift that happens sometimes when I'm on my feet for a while and walk the wrong way.  Keeping the weight off my foot by shifting to the other isn't an option as it makes that leg's knee hurt.   I really really need the insurance and enough money to get that looked at.  

On the plus side of work, I really like my co-workers and they've really made that job as good as a food service job gets.  I get free delicious bread extras, I get to make fun coffees and fruity drinks, and my thick skin towards terribly behaved children is returning.  In WY kids had way higher standards for behavoir and there was a short time where I was one of those people who thought there should be a law demanding a certain base standard of behavoir for children.  What can I say, we're all allowed to fall of the wagon once in a while.

I got my tax returns back so while I'm not poor, I'm not rolling in the cash either.  I ate KFC yesterday and it was super disappointing.  I think I've had too much fast food and indulged my whims on that front a bit much.

In other job related news I turned down a sales position and am in the second set of interviews for the environmental advocate position.  That job the more I hear about it, the more I think it would be a dream job for me.  I'm sooooo exicted and nervous for the interview.  I really want things to go well.

In other not love related news, I miss the hell out of WY and will do almost anything to get myself back to Cheyenne, Denver, or Arizona...though the politics in some of those places are scarey, the people are really friendly and welcoming and the view is unbeatable.  I miss the sense of space.  I miss the hell out of the sun.  I actually miss driving fifty miles to whole foods and relaxing because I'm with my people and they are all friendly and kind and welcoming.  I don't know MA people think the same way I do but a lot of them are really cold and aloof and apathetic.  I'm getting really tired of people either ignoring me when I jump into a public conversation or giving me death stare.  If you don't want others to listen then don't speak in public damn it.  I'm totally willing to brave the tornado warnings for the rest of the quality.

Saw K-dog last week and it was good.  It's always nice to catch up with people and what not.  Also, I think it's best if I keep busy.  My dreams have been restless and I'm a bit restless myself.  I feel like I should be doing a million different things and can't quite seem to keep hold on any one of those things.  

Like I'm learn html but the process is slow and fast and slow again.   I'm writing but it's here and there and very patchy.  I'm applying and interviewing and then I'm not.  I'm social and then I'm a recluse again.  I've got no work hours and then I pick up a ton extra.  I'm tired and then I'm full of life.  I have a million things to say to a couple of people but  when the time comes to say them or even just to write it out, I'm silent.  I dunno, it's like I can't hold anything constant even for a few days.  It's weird, and somehow probably on par per usual. 

Zac's sister made it to the finals of American Idol Arkansas talent hunt, still seeing if she'll make the show.  She and her hubby might be splitting soon as apparently he decided to take a nap instead of feed there couple month old baby.  I don't know, she's always a lot of drama and sometimes she makes things up.  Of course if the previous alligation has any truth, an immediate separation is probably best.  

Zac's other sister has been in a bad car accident at which she was at fault for and messed up her knee, though she and everyone else should recover.  Now she does very little talking, won't drive, and has problems being in a car or leaving her parents house.  It's a shame beyond the wrecked car and the injuries because she just started a new job and I'm not sure how she can do that and deal with this.  I feel for here and her family. 

Zac himself is looking for a second job with no hope of ever finding one.  He needs jaw surgery, and his hours at work have been cut back again to barely full time.  Things looks desperate for him, and I feel bad for him.  At the same time some little part of me is so beyond relieved that I'm not involved.  I just couldn' handle all of this, plus looking for my own job and whatnot.  It's too much for me and I don't know how he deals at all except to think that maybe he doesn't deal with it.  I dunno, but I keep him and his family in my thoughts and prayers.

It's been a while.  So since I've last written, I was fired, collecting unemployment, and then getting desperate for work.  Since then I've moved back to MA and apparently broken it off with my significant other, which makes me evil, even though I wasn't the one who gave up.  I gave up on finding a job in Wyoming sure, but I very much would have like to bring him back with me to MA. 

I'm sure I'll be crushed later.  Right now I'm just pissed off that he wouldn't even consider coming out this way in a few months if I found something that was good for me out this way.  Since I went out to where he could "go to school", not that he is going to school or planning to go within the next few years.   I don't know someone who will commit so little of themselves after two years and after I've shown the most commitment I know how to show to their goals and dreams, just makes me angry.  Guess  I feel cheated and bitter.  Like I was never important to him or not important enough to be considered when I wasn't convient.  Guess his unconditional love was more conditional than my specifically stated conditional love.  

Anyhow, I'm back in the Mass area.  I have an interview with the temp agency tommorrow at 9:30.  I've cleaned up my resume, or my daddy helped me do so anyhow.  I've applied to ten or so paces.  What can I say, monster is a miserable engine but I'm doing my best with it.  

Since I've been home I've had two interesting dreams. 

In the first, I was in Wyoming and looking for something.  I don't know what, it was never really the same.  I spent a lot of time at stores being turned away and in the parking lot there were animals, like horses and chickens and bunnies and goats and whatnot.  I stole some of them but I don't know what happened to them.  I wanted to see Zac and at the same time I knew that I couldn't/wouldn't like what I came across.  So then I went home and worked on pink eye shadow.  I did one eye so well and then the other came out alright but uneven and I spent a long time looking for the stuff to redo the eye with.   When they both were ready to go I left to go clubbing only to remember I have no idea where clubs in cheyenne are (if the kind that I think would be fun exist at all in that state).  So I'm driving around with my eye shadow done up wishing for a dance and my bf only to remember that for some reason he doesn't want to see me or I don't want to see him, it's confused.

When I woke up I wasn't befuddled.  I knew where I was and why I was there.  There were no dream cobwebs of Cheyenne or illusions that Zac and I were still dating.  I don't know guess that makes a relationship really dead then, when you don't even forget momentarily. 

Anyhow, I don't remeber so much in the second dream except that I was traveling a lot at first with Zac who wanted to break it off and then when he did I was traveling with Jeff.  Before I know it, Jeff and I are kissing and Zac is back and wants to get back together but Jeff and I are already together.  It was akward and I was glad to wake up.  

Saw Kathleen yesterday and that was fun.  Will see AJ later when I'm less relationship sensitive and now I have to go because my brother just came home and has apparently decided he's going to go to prom after all.  Date and everything and the prom is Fri and we have to pull together a tux and convince our mom that he can/should go without too much fuss.  Write more later.

So I'm on your flist, WOOT!  Anyhow behind the cut is some questions to get to know you better.  Feel free to head on back and answer them for me in a comment if you so please.

A lot of update-iness going on.  But I'm a good dooby and I'll use the ij cuts.  Pick what parts interest you...if any at all do. 

( Spore spore spore how I loathe you at the Moment )

( Got a Cube not to Get a Wii or not? )

( Ok ok the real life update )

Major icon update.  I had to remove some of my older icons to make it all fit.  No offense is meant to those people who's work was removed.  I still adore it, I'm just not using it.  It's all saved in my computer though, so if I want it back I can add it again.   Anyhow a more substaintal life update is coming it's just later than I'd thought it would be.  

Night all

Ok so let me start with a few honest truths.  I like The Dollhouse and I thought I wouldn't.  I'm even beginning to lean towards the idea that the show is feminist friendly, thought I'm not quite there yet.   And second truth there will be spoilers.  Don't read farther if you haven't seen the first two shows and don't want it to be spoiled.   

Cast and Creation of Dollhouse

Sometimes I see a show or an idea and wonder how can an actress have agreed to play that part.  I know there's money, there's the whole I'm not portraying reality thing, and there's just  a host of people who don't care of believe that there either is equality or that people should be treated differently, but still.  Dunno some roles boggle me. 

Watching the Dollhouse I knew right away why Eliza Dushku agreed to be Echo.  While the backdrop of the Dollhouse might not be glamorous (in Echo's normal state she is a memory-less, thoughtless, feelingless, helpless, "child like" woman waiting for a call to transform into the fantasy girl) the part that gets most of the screen time kicks ass.   I can see the pitch in my head.  "So every episode I get to be a completely different character and I get to be seen as a highly capable actress from my varied roles on one show, sure, sign me up."

The biggest worry in a show like Dollhouse is that the females (and males, there seems to be an about proportionate number of male extras in the Dollhouse) will always be shown as some kind of freaky kinky sex objects.   While the sex element is definately present, it becomes clear right way that most of these calls are not primarily about sex.  Indeed we've only witnessed one after sex scene so far (though sex was implied in some flashback and set up calls) and directly afterward the client involved starts to go all "The Most Dangerous Game" on Echo.

Anyhow, the main point I wanted to get at in the cast section here is that while the character Echo has drawbacks, if I was an actress I'd see playing a role like that as largely empowering and a good career boost.  It helps that while we only follow Echo's story, we do see other "dolls" and there really does seem to be a proportionate number of men and women in service.   

In fact in almost every aspect of casting, I see an almost equal number of men to women.  The owner of the dollhouse is female as is the docter while the brain swapper and the two body guards are male. 

The two most dissappointing casting decisions (as far as men to women go) is that there seems to be no female police officers (plus the male officer that is hunting the dollhouse is a real dick) and there haven't been any female clients.  With the client thing, I know we're following the story of Echo, a female call girl and I'd rather a hetero cast then a tacky excuse for hot lesbian girl on girl action that just boosts ratings.  However, since it seems that Echo's calls are rarely (or at least the one featured are) about sex, how come we haven't seen at least a flashback of one female client?   I suppose I need to let up a bit on that.  Chances are good Josh Whedon will add that element in at least once.

If I had a major complaint about the casting, it's probably that while there is a lead POC in the mix, there really should be a bit more diversity.  When you have a shuffle of extras like in Dollhouse, you really should show some different skin tones as well as genders.  Is there really that much a higher demand for white men and women over any other color?  Dunno, I've seen one other POC besides Harry Lenix, I think.  It's possible she was while, I didn't see her very long and her clearly dyed blond hair was distracting.  There was a POC client in the first episode, but I don't know that all white male police station could use some diversity.  And maybe the people who are looking for Echo (at least I think it's people looking for Echo) could mix it up some too.  I don't know, I'm glad Lenix is  there, and at the same time, his presence makes it clear to me that he's surrounded in a sea of white and that a lot of the white people there are jerks to him.  In fairness, the jerk bit seems to be something that character does to everyone, but I still don't like it, especially since his job (in the show) is key.

Show Content

There is no way to avoid the fact that the show is based around a "call girl" center and that this call girl center goes one step further than usual ones.  We see women (just Echo) making the "choice" to be part of an organization that wiped all memories clean and makes you a blanks slate to be filled with whatever a client wants.  I say "choice" because it was clear Echo didn't have any other choices.   It is implied that the Dollhouse also collects men and women from human trafficking cirlces.   Now, as a feminist, I'm not against the sex industry.  If an adult of their own free will wants to do whatever for money, as long as no lasting damage is done to anyone, it's all good.  That being said sex trafficking is disgusting and more efforts should be dedicated to ending this heinous crime.   I find Echo's apparent cohersion and desperation for any out no matter how terrible equally disgusting.  Admittedly I don't know the full extend of what's going on in her case, but the scene reminded me many women who "freely" choose prostitution because it's all they can do to make enough money to care for themselves and their familys.

There's also no way to avoid the truth that these people when not given a set of memories of a job are helpless and without character.   There have been some scenes that imply they still have some memories of something elsewhere, but right now, helpless is the general feel.   While this idea is made more paletable by what seems to be a entire staff of kind care takers, we do see Echo being threatened in one scene by a man who is supposed to be  protecting her.  We also see that sometimes accidents happen in the memory erease process and a bunch of the call people and staff are killed.  It's also been made pretty clear that when on assignment, while no longer helpless, these people are often in danger.   

Ok, so faced all that ugliness? Great, let's hit the positives.  While an insideous place like the Dollhouse exists, it still isn't legal and while there isn't an appropriately sized task force hunting it down, the guy on the case is determined.  

While the chance for significant abuse in the dollhouse is clear, it seems that it would be against policy and the reprocussions for such would be serious.  The boss lady of the place, whatever else, recognizes that she is dealing with people at all times and that there is danger in not treating them a certain way, even if her views are otherwised warped and compromised.  

Echo gets herself out of her troubles when in the field and she twists the standard of the keeper taking care of her.  I seems that Echo and perhaps a mysterious alpha retain some maybe all of their memories somewhere in their head. 

The whole memory erase technology is interesting and some of the implications of it seem like it could even do some good. 

Whedon knows how to make a fun show.       

I hate dreams where something you were thinking of doing, you do in a twisted odd way in a dream that makes it terrible and nightmarish.  I've been thinking about taking a few classes in sonography.  So of course I've dreamed about being in a twisted nightmare world where I'm still in high school and aliens or perhaps something esle "other" is taking over.  I mean being in highschool is bad enough.  Then  it turns out maybe the "other" part isn't as scary and terrifying as everyone says, at least for me personally.  Then my mother pulls me out of school randomly, which is a relief and then she makes me go again....this of course causes lots and lots of anxiety because I haven't gone in months and she tells me that morning so I have no prep time.    

So I have to pick something up first at Barnes and Noble.  Its very very icey.  I'm slipping and sliding all across the road and it my sister is behind me on the highway driving too close.  I can't break and I can't coast because she'll hit me if I slow down but I'm close to careening into things anyway.  There's a lot of trucks and my traction sucks.  Finally one truck is getting off the highway and the other is changing lanes.  I start into their space and then when I'm in one trucks blind spot, it desides to murge back.  I honk the horn with no luck so I do the ont think you shouldn't do and break.  I do get past the truck but I loose all control of the car and start sliding and sliding through the lanes.  I'm in the merridian and some still sliding and somehow not hitting any other cars on the road when my fear and aldenline actually wake me out of the dream.  

Not a good way to start the morning at all.  Therere's ice on the roads and I have to go a bit early.  I'll talk to y'all later.  

Valentines day was good and it turns out that while I may or may not still have a virus (the comp keeps posting warnings  regarding said virus, but I've got a special patch that seemed to grab it and everything is running clean) I can play spore again if I log on before starting the program up.  Happy day.  

More updatety goodness later.

I tried the free software.  It picked up a few threats, but my internet browser is apparently still unsecure and my firewall keeps barking at me.  It's odd, every time I run a scan there's something to pick up.  It says that it's successfully completed a scan and it's completed doing the suggested actions, but then I reboot, scan again and there's more stuff.  I haven't done anything on the comp.   

I just don't know what to do with it.  The paid guy with the online help sent only a confirmation letter of getting my email.  We sent a confirmation of a confirmation stressing that we've scanned with the program, rebooted and there is still a virus or keylogger of some sort on the comp.      Maybe he'll do something useful today, more than likely if will be a confirmation of a confirmation.  

I'm more than a little frustrated here.

The job is going well.  Other than my constant exhaustion (which isn't from lack of sleep anymore, so I don't know maybe it's time to get just iron supplements and see what that does) I like everything about it.  There's time to daydream in between breaks but it's clear they are busy enough to need me.  And I like most of the parents and the children are adorable.   Don't get me wrong, I can see where a few might be problems and I had one very upset father the other day because it took his child over two hours to be seen.  What can I say the doctor he chose has a full schedule all the time, sees his patients whenever they come in no matter how late, has us schedule appointments in slots that are too small so he can see them as needed so of course he runs late often very late.  It's annoying and difficult for us too you know.  

I've started my picture project, but nothing has been uploaded yet.  I think Sunday I'll go around to a few other places that need daytime pics.  I also need to find someone to hold the camera so the mate and I can have a pic.  He and I don't have an cute couple pics and I want pics of us here in WY.   I think I might want them later in life and what not.   

I have an interesting novel or short story idea I'm brainstorming on.   I don't know, it's very rough but I was thinking that everything in Cheyenne is chain restuarnts and most of it seems to be resteruarnts with other states as themes, The Old Chicago, Texas Roadhouse and so on.  So I was thinking of creating a local dinner here in WY, what they would serve, their decoration, their hours and what not.  I thought maybe a story centered around a popular Cheyenne themed diner with a focus on differing customers as well as the owner's struggle to start branching the dinner out into something more.  Don't know 100% yet, I still have a lot to work on with it.

progress with the computer is slow.  Mate emailed our paid virus scanner to see what they can do.  When I get home, if their answer doesn't work (mate will have time to try), I'll try Vincent's solution.  It gives me some hope that not all options have run their course.  

I've bought some batteries and over the next few days I'll see if I can get some pictures of cheyenne proper.  Maybe a few of bunny and what not too.   She gets smarter every day.    

Still need to look up any possible playings of the Vagina Monologs, I'm pretty much hoping there's a college show open to the public at this point.  I suppose if that doesn't work I can always go to the library and pick up a recording of them.  It's less than I'd want but better than nothing.

I'm really into this harry/draco fanfic where the author picked up the series when potter could speak parsle tounge and has since subtley changed it to include draco and snape's involvement in his life.  It's wonderful mostly because nothing goes smoothly and I'm waiting on the edge of my seat for the next three days to pass and for me to learn what snape and draco do next.  They've just recently learned about harry's home life and of course snape wants to do something about it and can't find any other adult (by that I mean he only told dumbledore who arleady knew and allows such to happen) who will help him.   Draco of course loses it the moment he finds out.  Man that was a better cliff hanger than leaving me in the middle of an action scene would be.  

Anyhow, life goes on and I'm still pretty pleased with everything but my virusy comp.  Hopefully I'll get that under control and all will be rainbows and sunshine from now on.

So my computer has a key logger.  Because we have no idea how long it's been there, only that it activated Sunday night, I had to change all my passwords for everything.  On one side my stuff is more secure.  On the other, it's gonna be a bit to get used to the new p-words everywhere.   

They took one of my credit card #s and now I have to call the other card and warn them that I may or may not have put that card in jeporday.  In a way I'm lucky that card is still maxed out.  Any attempts to spend with gathered info on that one would have been sol.  

I guess I'm lucky I don't bank online ever and I guess I'm lucky I've never used my debits online.   No bank messes.   I guess I'm lucky that I wouldn't give my social out online too.  It's hard to feel that way about now, but it's still true. 

We've tried free programs to get rid of the thing.  We've also tried to buy a program on the mate's comp and put it on mine.  So far we've cleared everything and the warnings just keep popping up.   We thought it was either the perfect defender or win32.zafi.B but all files with even semi related names have been quarentined or deleted. 

Don't know what to do, we don't have the equipment to blank the computer and reinstall a system ( a personal fav solution of mine) and we don't have money to keep throwing at the problem period.   I'm at a loss as to what else we could do.  MAte says he hasn't given up but he hasn't actually stated what the next step is either.   Stuborn will won't win this.  Well, I guess all I can do it hope for the best and you know wait and see. 

It will probably be a while before I can play spore again at this rate.  I guess that's alright with me since they haven't been giving me any badges.  The other day I reached the center on a no-cheat game (I don't have an cheated games saved or playing) and nothing came up.  I'm also a level ten shaman and haven't gotten the badge for that either.   Plus, the badges didn't even flash on the screen.  I'm so, not a fan at the moment.   

My computer has a virus.  No idea how it got there though.  

Went to Boulder this weekend and it was fun. 

Tonight I'm gonna look up places where they are performing the Vagina Monolougs, because that's what I want to do for valentines day and the mate agreed. 

Have to call parents.  I didn't look at my phone till late and apparently it was set on vibrate but Dad's been in an car accident.  I'm told he's ok, but I want to call today and see what's up.   

Want to talk to the sister.  Have a few thoughts on her transfering/living across the country from the family.   Don't think she'll listen, but it doesn't hurt to try.  Called her the other day and no answer.  She's probably busy.  

Turns out I like working the front desk at the office just fine.  All I needed was some time to figure it all out.  Speaking of which, I hope I remember everything.  They were going over billing last.   I have a lot of access to a lot of information.  

The more I go out and do day trips the more startling it is living here vs back east.  I want to describe the look of it, but I'm still working on words that capture it.  I feel like I need a new vocab.  Here isn't very poetic so I doubt the locals are going to provide, but you never know.  I like it a lot and next time I head to Boulder or where ever I'm taking my camera.  Maybe pictures are the way to go. 

It's been two weeks and me cream coat is still clean.  Woot, I might just be able to keep nice things after all.  

At some point in time I want to write to Jeff and Kathleen too. Glad she's reading the journal, but there's more  and different things I'd like to write to each.   

But I'm off

Still want more sleep.  I went to be a seven, had Zac wake me up and nine, showered mulled around a bit and then went back to be at ten.   I slept through to seven am and I'm still exhausted.   I hate my period so much.   This is ridiculous.   

On a lighter note, Kathleen's gift came in today and I love it.  She got exactly what I've been missing here in Cheyenne, organic soap and shampoo and conditioner.  Perfect brand and everything.   I'll have to call and thank her (thank you right now if you're reading this, can't wait to get the cd in and listen to it ^_^).  I should probably send all the Christmas gifts I have sitting around.  Maybe I'll get the boxes and stuff and do it today after work.  

I don't like working the front desk as much as the phones, but maybe I just didn't take to the front desk as naturally.  I tend to like what I'm better at and all of that.  I don't know, the billing, the visable line of people, all this insurance stuff, it's a lot to remember and check off.  Everyone is a bit more impatient when they're actually in the office, and sometimes it takes me so long the nurses have called the person in, before I'm done going through all the information.  Le sigh.   I'm going to have to work on it.  

On the bright side, it's a bit slower, I love the people watching, especially with the children.  Though I'm sure it's inappropriate for me to make baby faces and goo goo eyes at all the little kids.  But they stare at me with those big curious eyes and I just thing they are sooooo cute.

With Zac home from work this week and my power cord broken, I have no computer (was using his cord in my computer).  I think I'll go into Circuit City and see if  Ican get a new one.  Maybe I'll come home and make Zac drive me around after work.  I'm just so tired right now.  

Got to get going.  Today is an experiment, I'm going in with my hair curly and seeing how people react.   It isn't unruley, just curly.  I've let it grow to the point where even dry air can't stop the curling.  It's also insanely black from the shampoo and conditioner I've been using, even though there's no hemp in it.  I'm going to have to swap over to the blond one Kathleen got me stat.  I wasn't shampoo and conditioning everyday before, because it wasn't needed and isn't really that good for my hair, but I work in a hospital now and I figure more clean is better than less.

I'm cold and tired.   I should have gone to bed sooner, but then again, when I'm on the rag there is no soon enough.  Everything hurts and gut wrenching cramps along with horrendous acnme I can't get rid of is making me miserable.  I'm awake and up in time, I just want to go into work early and grab the largest chai tea available from the horrendously over priced mall like coffee bar.    

The cold part I don't know about.   It's really hot at work so maybe my body is just adjusting to the temperature and and demanding I keep it that way.  What I do know is that my thermostates is set on sixty five, which makes the mate miserable, and I'm wrapped in blankets and sweaters and nappy in little balls on his lap.

Anyway time to learn more about Cheyenne and Wyoming.  I'm not sure it could get more pathetic for the state.  Did you know the children's clinic I work at is the only one within an hour and a half drive?  The next closest child doctor is in Denver.  We do everything from regular well check ups to cancer, deppression, and heart conditions.   There are no specialists for anything.  

Also, apparently there was a WY no smoking in public places law up and it passed.  Can't even smoke in bars now, though they expect to overturn that part.   Hadn't even noticed you could smoke in public areas, which is odd.  I sure as hell noticed and almlost died in Conneticut.  I guess there aren't as many smokers here or there are just less people in general, so less smoke all around.  It's not like I"ve been a lot of places beyond the grocery store and other chain stores/restuarnts that obviously don't allow smoking in the store.  There was one bar I went  to a few times, but you had to go outside to smoke, and with the way it was decorated, that was probably the smartest decision the bar owner ever made.    

Anyhow my ten minutes are up.  Hope everyone has a good day and talk to you all later.

I love my job right now.  It's only been three days and I really only worked a full day today (been training and watching or have doing the other two days) but I really like it.  I know scheduling appointments doesn't seem like something that would be fun, but it is.  It's a challenge to get all the different schedules together and to give everyone a slot they want and need.  It's interesting to hear about all different kinds of diseases, symptoms and what not.  I love the nurse gossip and random info drops I overhear.   I think the the kids are adorable and most of the parents pleasant.  

Tomorrow I get to learn to work up front.  Seems I've got the phones down now, yay.  I can't wait to catch more than a glimpse of an escaped two year old racing through the halls.    

I have to go find a place to get a flu shot or be cursed to kid sickness, but you know, there's always a downside and I figure my super walmart might have something, I'll have to do some research.   

I think I'm going to try to do twenty minute updates before work, but I haven't figured it out yet.  It's possible that will or won't work.  Depends on how well I stick to my 7:00am wake up schedule.  It was surprisingly easy to get on a second shift schedule and just as easy to hop off onto a regular person's schedule.  Truth be told, I like being up with the sun better (though the fact that now I am up with the sun instead of the dark probably greatly helps my transitions).  I feel more energetic than I've been.  Maybe that's just starting something new though.    

I'm back playing spore on and off again.  I want to make sure I keep up with commenting on people's creations because they are pretty and because I want them to comment back when I make stuff (even if I've slowed down making things for a bit).

I'm also focusing on getting to the center of the universe in one of my games.   The Grox are making my life a little bit of hell on that front though.  See I went to war and actually did the fighting in my own galaxy and realized that going to war is wicked easy and lucrative in spore.   So, I figured it would be easy to get through the grox.  Not beat them which is aparently next to impossible without a mod, just cut a path through them to the center.   

Of course I didn't count on the grox having significantly more health and defense (their ships not their colonies) than other races I'd decimated.  

I also didn't realize how quickly I'd have to dispatch of all the spode's in the area.   I have zealots, they always want me to pay money and to befriend them I've got to wipe out other races for them and what not.   Ick.  

So now I have like fifty colonies down and am sooooo close to the center I can see it, but not close enough to get there without a ton more grox hacking.    

At least I have a lot of really pretty and cool creatures and friend's creatures to keep me occupied while I hack and slash.  

Well, I've got a job as a receptionist at a Children's Clinic.  I'm excited about it because it sounds like something I'll actually like.   I'm a little nervous too though.  I'm sure it will go well though.    I start tomorrow so I'll see then I guess.  

Anyhow, it's just in time because spore is getting tedious again.  I go through phases of adoring it and hating it, if that makes sense.  I like the creating part and I like the game play, most of the time, but it does get kind of aimless feeling and repetitive after a bit.   

And I think that's all that's fit to print.  So yeah short and sweet update, I've got a lot to do before I go to work tomorrow.

Turns out I'm a bunny person.  It's odd because I would have never called that.  I've always been fond of gerbils, guinia pigs, and hamsters that aren't the spawn of evil, but I've never taken to rabbits before.  I mean event those other small critters, have never been favorites.  They pee on you, there cage cleaning is highly unpleasant, they poop everywhere (or at least the ones I've known do), if they get out you have an infestation problem, they don't generally respond to you and so on. 

At the very least I'm very much this bunny person.  I don't know, even when I promised the mate I'd take care of it and love it and what not, there was part of me that thought that I'd get bored of it or start hating it or decide it was far too much work after a few weeks.  Yeah it's very spoiled child and as an adult, I shouldn't have that problem.  I should either like animals and be up for the commitment or like animals and know I'm not responsible or even admit I don't like animals (I do like them, but not nearly as much as I once did or as much as I'd like to think). 

Anyhow, it's been two months and I'm still in love.  Yeah the cage is big and it's a pain to clean, but the rabbit really only does her thing in one spot.   Yeah she can be tricky to train, but she does respond.  She knows her name even if she doesn't always come, and she knows that no means to stop chewing/digging.  Yeah she's just hitting her teen times, but you know, I knew the biting would get worse before it got better and she NEVER bites me, though sometimes she pulls at my clothes.  

I think the balance between cage and freedom helps.  I mean I like dogs and cats, really do, but they get underfoot all the time.  Bunny gets underfoot when she's out, but honestly, it's just cute then because it's schedule her and me time.  She likes me and wants to spend time with me, but she doesn't need all the time like a dog that just stares blankly for you to play or pet.  She makes me calm and I can read or be on the computer while monitoring her.  It's a nice balance between work or exploration and bunny time.  We watch movies on the couch together sometimes too and it's fun to watch bunny react and explore the mysterious couch. 

Plus she likes me best.  I've never had to compete for an animal's attention before this mate, but it turns out I'm not the only one with an animal golden touch.  I had never realized how selfish or needy I was to have animal preference before I was around animals a lot with this one.  It's comforting that bunny likes me best, in fact bunny seems to only completely trust me, which while an illusion is still nice.   Of course it's helpful that of everyone in his family, his parent's dog likes him best and me second.

Another thing, her adult fur is growing in and she's just as soft and wonderful as her baby fur was.  I know that's a petty thing but I loved her soft fur soooo much and it only occured to me later that she'd probably get a corser adult coat, and I was a little sad.  Seems that might not be the case.   

She's curious and adventerous, and fun to watch run around.  She's cuddley and seems obbsessed with licking me to death. 

I can't say whether it's this bunny or all bunnies, but I like this one the best out of all pets I've had caring for experience with.  I don't know, we connect very well.  I'm not sure even when I can, that I'll want to go back to a dog or cat.

I caught Defiance last Saturday with the mate and a few friends.  The mate wasn't particularly interested in seeing it as war movies don't hold much appeal.  I personally have mixed feelings on war movies, though generally Holocuast movies interest me to some degree (though taking the Holocuast class and watching all those movies with original footage from death camps has really dampened my need to ever see anything similar). 

I wanted to do a write up sooner, but I was taking time to digest.  My immediate feelings were something along the lines of empty.  I mean how can I watch something that's even loosely based on a true story and enjoy it?   After that thought comes the "how much is true"?  Usually I feel comfortable to watch a movie "based on a true story" and consider it fiction more or less, but with any kind of war story, especially a war as gruesome a World War II it becomes difficult to know where the facts and fiction start.  

I did some quick reading up on the true events and it seems to me that the movie has some very muddled areas, but the aspects most striking and horrifying are not far from the truth.    Things they left out include the Naliboki massacre where 125 innocent villagers were killed.  It's unknown whether or not the Bielski group participated along with the Russian Soviet in these attacks.  While I understand some people's anger on this topic, I see why a film would leave out the controversy.  Cinematically sainting a set of purescuted people is popular.

  Others have also been critical of the distinct Russian prescence along with the lack of Polish presence.  I believe that like any war story the complexities going on in real life and all the differentiations were too much for a movie were they cut it down to major players.  The Russian Soviet army was more major the the Polish Resistance groups in this story.  Still, I personally found it confusing to the story.  I knew we were in Poland.  I knew some basic background material about Polish Jews and the Polish people during the war, and found the Russian element slightly confusing  If I'd been on the story board, I'd have probably altered the story at this point.  Differing Polish resistances would have become the main factions and the Russian Soviet would have been cut.  The few places where the Russian Soviet and the Bielskis interact could have been handled by Polish factions.  I mean resistance fighters are resistance fighters, plus the Polish fighting for their own land, freedom, and people would have been more powerful than the Russians. 

Perhaps the most glaring inaccuracy (maybe since the facts on this one are a bit scattered) is the level of forest people to military confrontation.  In actuality, the camp was constantly moved and always ran rather than faced any military movement.  The Nazis made a few concentrated sweeps of the forest, but the Bielski's relocated deep enough into the forest to evade these troops.  I can think of a few scenes in the movie that probably didn't happen, and then some are still in sincere controversy in my mind.

SPOILERS START NOW.   

So first thing first, happy New Year everyone.  I hope people have been well while I was away.    I've been pretty busy. 

Finding a job right now seems a little impossible.  I'm looking, I'm scrambling a bit really, but not to much avail.  Just out of college, moved to the other side of the country, with little to no experience can be tricky.  The experience I do have is really good solid stuff though.  I've got a degree in English and am more than willing to pick up whatever is needed.  I'm a quick learner and all of that. 

Meh, on the other side, I just sent in another slew of applications this Sunday.  It's possible that I'll have more luck this time around.  So far two places have turned me down and a third has gotten back to me stating that the position is filled.  I scrolled through their website to see if there were other opportunities for me as suggested, but unfortunately what I can do in a construction company is a little limited.  

I'm a bit nervous, but I know I'll get through this and be better off for the experience.  The bf's job is hanging by a thread at the moment though an it makes me a little nervous.  I've burned through two jobs in sales, which I think is the problem in this economy sales just isn't happening.   Now I'm trying for something of a legal, advisory, or editing position.  Of course, I'm sure those fields are in high demand too.  At least there seems to be a lot going on in Denver right now, even if it's a bit of a haul.  And I think at the least the temp for I've applied for is promising. 

I just have to wait and see.  Wish me luck, and as always any suggestions or thoughts are helpful.

I left the guild of annoyance today.  I thought about saying something first and then I looked around a bit and thought some more on it.  There's one possibly two people I respect there.  Everyone else is very much like the guild leader or worse.  I don't think the guild leader is the person who doesn't fit, I think I'm the person who doesn't fit. In the end it wasn't worth the hassle and the inevitable banning, pms, and random hate thread.   I just moved on to greener pastures.