I'm a bit scattered
So I like my job at the Fund. I'm still working out kinks to it, but I like it a lot. I like the women I've met there and some of the men. I suppose my general wariness is something I have to deal with better, on the other hand, it would settle my nerves a lot if they didn't loom in my personal space and openly admit that they are doing/ are on drugs right this minute. In fairness, I know stories of drinking, blacking out, drunk driving almost deaths, stories about the chase for the weed and so on generally amuse my peer group of 19-28, they make me feel threatened and generally turned off to a person when they tell it as a funny or a one up. I don't know what I didn't get about drinking in my college days, maybe it was that we never drove or we didn't leave people behind or I was never involved in dicey drug scenes, but it seemed more fun and less ominous than it does now. Maybe it was always the same and my point of view has just gone through a drastic overhaul.
Anyhow, I have met a ton of cool people too. They are sooo earnest and care so much about our country and where we are going and what we are doing. They still really believe that we can change things and make a difference. They still believe unequvicably that not only can we win but that they'll be there to see it. It's really nice. I think I could use more of that. I mean I get being realistic and that has it's own comfort, but it's nice to be excited and energetic and hopeful. I might just ride that for a little and see where it takes me. I mean this presidency has my hopes so high, they are going to be shattered, I might as well know I ran flat out to the bottom right?
And there I go again showing that I'm not sure I can hope, believe, or have faith without reservation. I think we have great opportunities. I think we should strive for the best we can in so many fields and interests, but I don't generally expect a lot. Dunno maybe that's the problem, people give you what in your heart you expect. Maybe I don't trust or try or fight enough. It will be interesting to jump in head first and try to keep that sense of "realism" out and only go day to day door to door thinking everyone cares about the issues and everyone has and wants to give me a thousand dollars to help the cause.
It's funny how optimistic I can be about the job, people, and work and how I can still be so terrified for my job, future, and general well being. I haven't felt this combination of joy and terror ever I don't think. It's like the feeling as you go up the first big roller coaster hill combined with the feeling you have right at the end of the ride. I didn't even know you could have space for both of them at once.
Another great thing about the Fund is that it focuses me. Today and tommorrow and probably the next couple weeks, I have my sights set on recycling. I'm keeping up with other stuff, but my really driver is recycling at the moment. Sure I can keep writing to my reps on other issues and talking about them when it strikes my fancy, but the fund gives me a solid goal and solid ways to reach it in one issue. It keeps me moving instead of spreading my time over so many interests and thoughts and desires that it becomes to much and I've accomplished nothing.
Beyond that, I'm happy to be leaving the Cosi. My general manager was fired and having corporate in is a bear. Stan is a fine enough person but miserable as a boss. Little bits of nothing set him off and then he's in your face screaming at you or the person next to you forever with the customers there wasting time, making things awkard, and basically making everyone tense and itchy.
Other days he's in the mood to joke around where he slacks off, doesn't follow protocal and otherwise creates more work we can't do until after he leaves (he goes ape shit if you touch anything he's done even if it's to add freshness dates). And when he's gone he's got a certain group all jazzed up with talk about boozing it adventures, chasing women, and starting fights. Then I have to deal with endless Dodgeball and Anchor Man quotes that are lude, gross, and offensive but for some reason were funny when Will Farrel said them and are of course still hilarious when randomly repeated out of context. I'm supposed to smile and think of how witty these jerk offs are because they remember lines from these movies. I'm apparently supposed to automatically remember the lines too and know that they are jokes and therefor not be offended or in anyway displeased. So happy my days of smiling and dealing are numbered (at least of smiling and dealing with those guys anyhow).
Oh and I have Jason Maraz tickets for this Fri and am off to see it with my mom. Over all my week is shaping up wonderfully.
Anyhow, I have met a ton of cool people too. They are sooo earnest and care so much about our country and where we are going and what we are doing. They still really believe that we can change things and make a difference. They still believe unequvicably that not only can we win but that they'll be there to see it. It's really nice. I think I could use more of that. I mean I get being realistic and that has it's own comfort, but it's nice to be excited and energetic and hopeful. I might just ride that for a little and see where it takes me. I mean this presidency has my hopes so high, they are going to be shattered, I might as well know I ran flat out to the bottom right?
And there I go again showing that I'm not sure I can hope, believe, or have faith without reservation. I think we have great opportunities. I think we should strive for the best we can in so many fields and interests, but I don't generally expect a lot. Dunno maybe that's the problem, people give you what in your heart you expect. Maybe I don't trust or try or fight enough. It will be interesting to jump in head first and try to keep that sense of "realism" out and only go day to day door to door thinking everyone cares about the issues and everyone has and wants to give me a thousand dollars to help the cause.
It's funny how optimistic I can be about the job, people, and work and how I can still be so terrified for my job, future, and general well being. I haven't felt this combination of joy and terror ever I don't think. It's like the feeling as you go up the first big roller coaster hill combined with the feeling you have right at the end of the ride. I didn't even know you could have space for both of them at once.
Another great thing about the Fund is that it focuses me. Today and tommorrow and probably the next couple weeks, I have my sights set on recycling. I'm keeping up with other stuff, but my really driver is recycling at the moment. Sure I can keep writing to my reps on other issues and talking about them when it strikes my fancy, but the fund gives me a solid goal and solid ways to reach it in one issue. It keeps me moving instead of spreading my time over so many interests and thoughts and desires that it becomes to much and I've accomplished nothing.
Beyond that, I'm happy to be leaving the Cosi. My general manager was fired and having corporate in is a bear. Stan is a fine enough person but miserable as a boss. Little bits of nothing set him off and then he's in your face screaming at you or the person next to you forever with the customers there wasting time, making things awkard, and basically making everyone tense and itchy.
Other days he's in the mood to joke around where he slacks off, doesn't follow protocal and otherwise creates more work we can't do until after he leaves (he goes ape shit if you touch anything he's done even if it's to add freshness dates). And when he's gone he's got a certain group all jazzed up with talk about boozing it adventures, chasing women, and starting fights. Then I have to deal with endless Dodgeball and Anchor Man quotes that are lude, gross, and offensive but for some reason were funny when Will Farrel said them and are of course still hilarious when randomly repeated out of context. I'm supposed to smile and think of how witty these jerk offs are because they remember lines from these movies. I'm apparently supposed to automatically remember the lines too and know that they are jokes and therefor not be offended or in anyway displeased. So happy my days of smiling and dealing are numbered (at least of smiling and dealing with those guys anyhow).
Oh and I have Jason Maraz tickets for this Fri and am off to see it with my mom. Over all my week is shaping up wonderfully.
Alcohol and drugs specifically I do not understand why it's considered fun to drink so much that you embarrass yourself horribly, do regrettable things, throw up all over the place, pass out, and wake up with a huge hangover. I do drink sometimes, but I only drink to the point where I'm giddy and sort of just past tipsy. I don't get hungover, I never even come close to throwing up and while I get silly and sort of ridiculous, I can see stop myself from actually doing or saying anything really utterly stupid.
I've drank before and I like drinking in the right environment. I have plenty of good time silly stories I'm more than happy to talk about or listen to others equivalent.
I've done stupid things too, and on occasion I talk about them, but it's always in the "that was dumb, try not do the same" tone. This pride seems to imply that one isn't aware to the danger to self and others as well as the damage already done. It makes them seem stupid and reckless. But then even when I'm drunk, I'm occasionally referred to as the buzz kill, so maybe I'm just wound too tight for that kind of crowd.