tigresslilly

I hate dreams where something you were thinking of doing, you do in a twisted odd way in a dream that makes it terrible and nightmarish.  I've been thinking about taking a few classes in sonography.  So of course I've dreamed about being in a twisted nightmare world where I'm still in high school and aliens or perhaps something esle "other" is taking over.  I mean being in highschool is bad enough.  Then  it turns out maybe the "other" part isn't as scary and terrifying as everyone says, at least for me personally.  Then my mother pulls me out of school randomly, which is a relief and then she makes me go again....this of course causes lots and lots of anxiety because I haven't gone in months and she tells me that morning so I have no prep time.    

So I have to pick something up first at Barnes and Noble.  Its very very icey.  I'm slipping and sliding all across the road and it my sister is behind me on the highway driving too close.  I can't break and I can't coast because she'll hit me if I slow down but I'm close to careening into things anyway.  There's a lot of trucks and my traction sucks.  Finally one truck is getting off the highway and the other is changing lanes.  I start into their space and then when I'm in one trucks blind spot, it desides to murge back.  I honk the horn with no luck so I do the ont think you shouldn't do and break.  I do get past the truck but I loose all control of the car and start sliding and sliding through the lanes.  I'm in the merridian and some still sliding and somehow not hitting any other cars on the road when my fear and aldenline actually wake me out of the dream.  

Not a good way to start the morning at all.  Therere's ice on the roads and I have to go a bit early.  I'll talk to y'all later.  

Valentines day was good and it turns out that while I may or may not still have a virus (the comp keeps posting warnings  regarding said virus, but I've got a special patch that seemed to grab it and everything is running clean) I can play spore again if I log on before starting the program up.  Happy day.  

More updatety goodness later.

I just woke up from a lovely  nap.  It's the kind of unplanned but still pleasant thing that you enjoy and still frown at.  I was tired sure, but I've slept to long and I'm never going to be able to go to sleep later tonight.  Maybe some knitting that's hard on the eyes will do it or maybe a walk, it's so nice out a walk would do good. 

I've had the weirdest waking dream, guess that's what happens when the lights are on and people are being loud with paper thing walls.  I was dreaming that I was having  dream.  I was someone else that wasn't me.  Female, older (30s maybe) very dark hair plain with a no nonsense look.  I was laying on the bed listening to my house mates discussing their new house, but I was desperately trying to focus on something else that I didn't think was a dream at the time but only makes sense to be a dream in a dream as it was happening at the same time.  While intermittently my house mates were talking about meetings they would have with the others and their leader who would discuss different potential problems at asinine times (9:22) to the one male random roomy while the others pretended it was new and they didn't necessarily agree but they were all going to secretly bully the living hell out of him.  He sounded a little slow, but maybe he was just desperate for  a place to live.  Part of me felt bad.  Part of me wanted to go out there and shake him and tell him that he had to know they were crazy and bad people.  Don't live with them if you value your sanity.  You always think it won't be bad and then suddenly it is. 

But I was too busy apparently walking down the street and running into an old male friend who was gay and I'd apparently found out by making a pass on him back in the day.  We went way back but we hadn't seen each other in a while because of some kind of tragedy. Something about a dog, I'm not really sure, I know I still felt hurt about it.  I guess he taught obedience training and I was in one of his classes.  He was really a good teacher, and the whole class adored him, something of a mini celebrity...um charismatic might be a better way to phrase it.  He was really tall dark hair with a head that was too big for the proportions and a big nose.  He had a deep and slow kind of voice.  I guess that the whole class had bonded and while he was the teacher or boss of the scene, I'd been his number two.  We'd come up with an idea to breed the dogs, something about creating a group of amazing well trained dogs, sounds kind of cultish now that I'm awake.  Anyhow I guess it didn't go well and I took it very hard.  He was offering to breed his dog again and give me the puppy and I wanted that puppy more than anything in the world.  It was a magnificent dog though.  Doberman, big, friendly, wonderfully soft and kind, I could see where a person might want puppies from that animal.  We were hammering out details and I woke up.  

Just as well, I've been sleeping for probably four hours.  It's kind of weird because I really remembered this morning's dream well too.  Not so much now, but I was in Venice, just walking.  I wasn't really me, someone else short overly happy the kind of person who's always just a bit too enthusiastic.  There was this feeling of unease, I knew someone was watching me and I knew that they were going to get me.  Male and old big nose and a small wrinkled frame with this weird purple and maroon pointy kind elf hat.   I don't know.  Any how time moves forward and instead of being me, I'm the "charmed ones" from charmed, the old pairing before Pru dies.  They are in this old book store that's apparently just off St Marco's square, though indeed no such place exists.  Somehow the far wall gets knocked open and there is the girl I was earlier held captive by the man.  He says something I don't know it was a long diatribe but I can't remember now.  The end of the conversation was pretty much them asking who I'd been and who I was again whether or not I wanted to stay or go with them.  I was really afraid, but I knew what i had to say and I wanted to go with them.  I'd been held there for what I thought was a long time, but I cant say now what is the case.   Anyhow it made the bad guy get really small and the charmed ones put him in a small hole where apparently he was meant to starve to death after they sealed off the exits.  There were books there and one of them was something about how to time travel and live forever.  It should have been fictional but I was worried so after we all left together I brought it up.  They were unconcerned but then I mentioned I was a witch where my 'talent' was to do tarot readings about myself that instead told about people I knew with some kind of weird exactness.  I don't know, I remember thinking it  was lame, un impressive and very confusing based on how I explained it.  I offered to do a reading of 2044 cause no one else I knew would be alive (except that's not true at all based on the time line currently running, which came up oddly in the back of my mind but was disregarded because the others thought it was a good idea and made sense).  Then for some reason when we were walking the sisters walked around Greek columns while I walked on the other side.  I jumped over to being Pheobe where she saw that I never came out she freaked and started heading back to get me.  Then I woke up. 

I have what I'd consider nightmares all the time. Some of them are simply real life ones where maybe my mom is yelling at me or we're in some kind of fight. Others of them are more complicated ones where evil monsters and wars are involved.

I mean two nights ago I had a dream that Jitters was trying to break out of his cage and got caught in between the bars. When I unstuck him he tried to attack me and then escaped. He rallied the mice together and started biting and killing off my friends. I woke up scared mentally, but there was no pounding hard or aldreneline action.

Last night I had a complex series of dreams that involved a lot of partying and gender swapping on my local campus. I can't exactly remember all those parts, but one thing I remember clearly in the dream is going to the opera. Jeremeny was going to walk me in and decide where we sat and Zac would follow. Jeremeny sat me down right next to my ex, and I was completely terrified. Jer is a big dude and was in between us and it still wasn't enough. I buried my face in the bf's chest when he got there and the poor thing realized how nervous I was and let me try to hide away.

He said hello to me. Polite and all civil (something that would never happen in the real world) and I had to say hi back. We talked about pledging and how there were a few people pledging just for me (not sure how this works out since I'm not part of the Greek life) and I went on to brag a little. There are two girls and one boy all pledging for me, and he did his best to be impressed.

He said he heard I partied a lot (true in the dream) and asked why we never met. I told him its cause I only party at Beta. He asks why I never come to pines and I told him that I still hate pines and that its possible I'll never really forgive them. He looked confused, dumbass always does, but instead of the fiest I expected (And would have gotten in real life) he was calm.

I was the one ranting about how he left Beta was apparently "to good for it" and when I realized what I was doing, I got nervous and told him that I might consider partying at Cappa one day (dream me wouldn't really have and neither would I). He was surprised and not because what I said was so unlikely but because why the hell wasn't I already parting at Cappa it was just the "best fucking night he had ever had while we were dating". I didn't want to get into it with him how that was not the best fucking time I'd ever had or how I would never be caught dead at that place party or not.

I threw out the excuse that my ex roomie hated Cappa and would have started destroying people if we went (which is true) and now that so much time had gone by it would be weird to go. He wasn't convinced and neither was I. This is when dream me realized that Kevin and I never talk we pass each other all the time without even nodding. We avoid walking on the same side walk. He would never acknowledge my presence or the presence of my friends much less have some sort of pleasant conversation with me. I woke up. What's funny about this is that when I woke up my heart was pounding and my aldreneline was in high gear. I couldn't go back to sleep I was so upset from the dream. The idea of being near Kevin or talking to him even civilly for a prolonged period of time freaks me way the hell out. And parts of it were so real. The way Jermeny ignored the situation. The way Zac would keep an arm around me for support but stay silence during the whole event. The fact that we were being shushed for talking (even if neither one of us would ever go to the opera).

The whole thing was messed up and it kept me upset and aldeneline pumped for way longer than it should have. I laid in bed for an hour or so trying to regain enough cool to fall back asleep. It's so odd what will or won't trigger that though.

I know I know, it wouldn't kill me to post more regularly instead of a lot in one day, but what can I say? I'm a bit scattered and i have a lot I like recording in my life. Don't worry there's going to be a cut.

( Woot a couple of odd dreams )