tigresslilly

There are spoilers regarding the latest episode of the Dollhouse and possibly all of season two so far.

During the first season of Dollhouse, I gave it the tentative thumbs up.  The device wasn't the best I'd seen, but the whole troupe of actors playing completely different parts each episode is really cool.  That the lead was a woman showing her versatility as an actor made me happy.  The different games, cult infiltrator, rock star back-up singer, hostage negotiator, and so on were fun.  I like that Echo twisted traditional roles.  She did unexpected things and took her character to the next level in a lot of the mini skits.  I could overlook that the power she showed in these moments was wiped away at the end of each episode because I like the mini person and in the big picture it looked like Echo had been powerful and willful and was still a force of potential danger and power.  There was a hint of maybe and the maybe was just another taste for me to want the uprising and to see it as a potentially big and glorious event to look forward too.  I don't know if I'm the only one who feel this but the whole show reminds me of The Pretender with a female lead.

I never in a million years wanted the show to become about the actual Dollhouse.  I didn't want to learn more about it's internal workings.  I didn't want to see that Adelle was in many ways as much a doll as the actual dolls to a bigger group where some men sit in a dark room and smoke.  The implication that these men existed and that Adelle had to walk softly to get around them was enough for me.  That she sometimes was getting one over on them and that there could be consequences beyond her power to alter if they were involved was enough. 

  I never wanted Topher to be more than a sad narcissist incapable of real relationships or empathy for others.  The question of whether those remembering or those who don't get to remember suffer more isn't a question or theme I want incorporated into the show.  Hello been there and covered it best through Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind thanks.  By the way the answer to who's better off is always the people with the power are better off.  Those remembering always win.  They have a choice, they have the knowledge and they have the power.  The dolls have to wander around in the dark.  That I could ever grow to sympathize with Topher or his position is to make overly light of the whole scenario  It makes me blindingly angry.

At the end of the latest episode Topher talks about how Sierra was never meant to be in the Dollhouse.  This implies that others in the Dollhouse are meant to be there.  Sierra's story is particularly sad and tragic.  Comparatively to November's story, the only other doll's back story we have a full account of, it does seem cruel and awful  November did seem far more willing in the process than Sierra does.  

Still what we know about Victor implies some sort of war trauma why would that make him belong more?  And with Echo it seems that she was snooping into the Dollhouse's experiments  It seems that the company probably killed her fiancée and was going to send her to jail with trumped up charges.  She knew too much and was being silenced, or at least that's what I've gathered.  How does this make Echo belong more.  Is it because she was "asking for it" by "snooping around" and "sticking her nose where it didn't belong"?  Echo is clearly upset about her options and she seems to fully understand in her meeting with Adelle that she's probably never going to be Carolyn again.  How is that chilling terrifying knowledge and forced choice make her belong more than Sierra's choices?  

Beyond that, how come Sierra is always a victim?  Within the dollhouse her keeper was raping her.  Outside her doctor drugged and raped her and got her sent to the dollhouse to become a doll after which he continually paid for her to do engagements where she slept with him "willingly".  It's too much for me.  Too much victimization  Too much powerlessness.  Too much focus on what is the most unpleasant part of the show and not enough time using the Dollhouse as a tool to do completely different shows every week.

Echo might have some power in this place.  She seems to be growing more capable the more she ignored and left to her own devices.  Where last season she stood out as "glitching" she now hides that through lies and deception while she tries to lead the other dolls to the same awareness she has now.  When caught we find Echo's favoritism continues with Boyd who has a soft spot for her and through Ballard who apparently considers her the insider that will make it possible to take the dollhouse down. 

As if one woman's rise in power above suppression and cohesion must be shot down Sierra's character is hit with all time low.  As the character that is supposed to be the fighter the gun carrying woman who cleaned up messes, she's become the victim White but still foreign woman to be punished and continually taken advantage of.

Season 2 really hasn't been the same at all as season 1 and I'm not sure whether I can hold onto it after this past episode.  I've been watching and waiting for a return to fun echo on assignments with little side trips to the dolls developing personality, but it's not what I'm getting.  Echo has up and changed for no particular reason maybe the multiple personality boot is what did it, I don't really know but suddenly we were let in too much to her world I think.  It was too much change in her basic doll structure to go so unnoticed.  I mean it was a big deal when Sierra Victor and Echo started sitting together.

At the end of last season Ballard suggested that who the dolls had been always effected the imprint.  He used Alpha's past as part of the proof and it shows again in Echo's responses.  I want more of that kind of direction if we must talk about the dollhouse.   I don't know.  I'm really unhappy with the second season and how the show looks and feels.  I can't give the same defense of it or any defense really that I gave back in season 1.  The nefarious has become too much I guess.

I saw "No Country for Old Men" last week before I left for Wyoming and it was really really disappointed.   

I mean I had reservations.  It never really looked like my kind of movie,it seemed like the kind of thing you're either into or your not (and I'd be the type that is not).  Still, it was reviewed well and pitched as "my kind of thing".   Quite a few (and by that I mean two out of like four) of my friends really liked it and thought the world of it.  They claimed the whole thing would make me really "disturbed with life" and the world for a bit.  Maybe part of the problem was too much build up.  

So when my family decided to watch it, I stayed because, well you know, good reviews, might like, nothing better to do.  

I don't like.  In fact, I think a big problem is that I don't at all get.  For me, I pick up dialog clues and color visuals.  If that isn't part of the "clues" or whatever, I'm not going to pick up on it no matter how "masterfully" it was done. 

My mother pointed out that there was a geometric circle thing going on, which I noticed a could of times, but without her mention of it, I'd never have pulled together.   I saw (SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT ON...THIS WAS THE WARNING)   the repeat cycle in how the "hero" got into the car accident, and then paid for a jacket and beer and how at the end the "villian" was in the same position.  I also noticed how weird it was that the villian had what I thought (and I don't know a lot about weapons or camera angles) a ridiculously large silencer on his gun...or how the shots really made the silencer stand out.  I also thought it was odd that when the "hero" found the tracking device in the money and was shot at, he jumped out the window he actually went back in the hotel to see the dead clerk and through the back door, what logical reason was there to make that move?  Some of that came together a bit when my mom pointed out the other "circles" and repetitions in the move that seemed to in her mind "heavy handedly" and in my mind not pop at all bring the viewer to the conclusion that what was happening in the movie was cycliar and would keep going on.  

She thought the message for the cop was that the whole, cycle and chain of evens was something he could work all his life to effect and would never touch.  The movie proved how little he'd done and drew him to the conclusion that you either die in chain or remaind outside it.  This is of course what drove him to retirement and lead him to conclude that this is "no country for old men".  

My problems here:

-I would NEVER have come to that conclusion without someone else drawing me that picture, because for me, that's not how I'm hardwired and the clues left to bring me to that conclusion were completely lost on me. 

-Even if that is the message and intent of the movie, I don't relate enough to the cop or the cop's experience to care.  I don't get him or his position.  I thought we'd have a couple more illuminating moments for him, but I found his scenes disjointed, choppy, jarring, and confusing.  It puzzled me how someone who could follow a killer's waste so well and have such a complete understanding of what was going on there, didn't seem able to take that info and make an impact.  I mean there were a lot of things he could have done to get the wife to talk to him, he did't do that.  That scene where he talked her made me think that he actually wasn't interested in helping her or her husband of solving the case.  I wondered if he was purposely trying to put the whole mess out of his hands.

-There were tons of nuances and suprefolous scenes for my way of thinking.  We didn't need that whole coin flipping aspect in the criminal.  We didn't need the business guy who hired the other guy to stop crazy villian man.  That made NO SENSE to me at all and if didn't add good dialog or a shade of understanding that the characters didn't already had.  I didn't get how crazy villian knew who the other guy looking for the money was or how he got back to suit guy.  I didn't get the Mexicans involvement, for my money that was just a chance to stereo type Mexicans as drug dealers and incompetent ones at that.  I don't get the scene where the sheriff goes back to the hotel where the main hero was killed and the crazy dude is behind the door and doesn't kill the sheriff.  Why is it there and what did it mean.  

-The only person I even sort of related to was the guy who took the money and ran from crazy villian dude.  When he died,  I couldn't figure out why the movie was still running.  Wife was clearly a prop that would die now that she wasn't useful anymore.  Some might argue that her death was a mercy considering the crazy dude had already taken everything from her (family, money, job, ect)

-What was crazy guy's connection to the money?  I mean was he just like crazy obbessed or whatever?  Do Not Get.

Over all this movie really made you work for a pay off I don't think (can't be sure of course) I would have appreciated or resonated with.  Next time you want a bunch of working class, white male hicks obessed with drugs and money to resonate with me for a larger purpose-actually don't bother.  Either make it a good action flick where I might be entertained by you know the action. give me ANY relatable character, or you know throw me a clue I can master.  Don't rely on your repuation and a disjointed, jarring, poor story line construction to lull me into amazement.  And certainly don't expect my lack of understanding to equal being impressed or awed.  Way too arrogant for that kind of bullshit here, thanks.

Overall no country for old men is also apparently no country for anyone who watches movies for entertainment or a good little jaunt or thinking without mounds of effort or understanding of "symbols".

About two weeks ago my mom decided that our family needed both games and got them.  Why, I'm still very shaky on.  She doesn't like video games...or at least she's never shown any interest and has often shown contempt for them any how.  She's never bought a system or game before (my brother and I have done  the buying or gotten them as joint Christmas gifts).   She often shows annoyance about the space, care and storage of them. 

What I do know though is that about a month ago she started asking about them.  She started with DDR (which we have 1 and 2 for the ps2 and still play often).  Of all games, she seems most indifferent to those two games, perhaps even interested from a technology standpoint.  How sensitive is the pad, how much weight can it take, what are the differences between pads, how about the lag time from tv screen to game console (there isn't any for us, there was some briefly when out gaming tv got a mega upgrade, but I have a geeky friend or two and now my brother has a few tech loving friends who were more than happy to come explain what was wrong, fix it and show us how to fix it should we need to again.  I know the new games have easy ways to go and do this, it was a little tougher with an older game though).

I was more than happy to jump from DDR to Karaoke Star and from there to Guitar Hero and while neither of these games are my thing I was more than happy to go into geeky in depth detail about their equipment, reviews, pros and cons, fan base, what impact these kind of games had for video games (as I see it) and what now.  Which my mother not only endured but seemed interested in and of course eventually lead to Rockband.  I suspect that she was always only really interested in Rockband and Wii fit, but wanted to make sure that her reasons held true by someone who, admittedly knows more and has more experience and more access to other gamer thoughts.

Of course while I don't like Guitar Hero I love Rockband.  My reasons for this are mostly about the team/community thing with Rockband, but they also relate back to me not enjoying the fake guitar thing at all.  I love the drums and singing, but I won't do the guitar if at all avoidable.   In my opinion, Rockband is the superior game because there are different ways to play, because there the whole fantasy band thing going on and what not.  It also helps that while in Guitar Hero I constantly fail out and struggle to figure out the mechanics, in Rockband I have time not only to learn what I'm doing on drums but to relate that to the sounds of different parts of drums, and really be able to pick that out and break down aspects of the songs in the game and songs I just hear around on the radio. Rockband doesn't deserve all the credit on this of course, I have years of competitive training on the French horn and trumpet in a band setting, marching band setting (one that was a the time the best in the northeast), woodwind quartet, brass quartet, and French horn quartet.   Still, my rythem and ability to pick apart percussion is with a lot of help from Rockband.  It makes me wonder if I should give the guitar another shot because if I could pick it up, I'd probably be able to pick out distinctive chords when I was done (assuming that the relation to button pushing relates to chords and notes the way drum tapping does).

I don't think the singing component is as advanced on Rockband as either drum or guitar, but it's still nice.  It's always pleasant when a machine or person confirm that I'm not tone deaf and can do a decent job matching the actual singer most of the time.   It was also neat because what I thought I could do voice wise was pretty much exactly what the game told me to do.  I'm no singer, I don't have the range or the voice for it, but at least what I think I hear probably is about what it is.

Another comment, I might make just because, is that Rockband seems more geared towards men and women than just men too.  I think the representation of male to female characters is more or less even and the women aren't always or even usually (from what I've unlocked which isn't the whole game or even near it) dressed in skimpy clothes.  I mean there are more songs sung by men than women and there are more bands made up of mostly or all men than there are of women, but the main stream industry is very much the same.  They did feature a couple of women's hits too, though I was disappointed to not have found any of The Cranberries or Kittie so far cause I think both could be fairly called mainstream, but maybe they are too old?  And a lot of people seem to not like The Cranberries, even though they kick ass and a lot of people's problems with the band would go away if they listened to the right Cranberries song.  Ah the peril of being to versatile a band, people hear one song and assume you don't have anything to offer.

My mother had more reservations about the Wii fit and I understand why that  would be.  She is very overweight.  Plus when we introduced her to DDR and how many people used it for weight loss, she tried it, but found the cheap dance pads we bought too nerve wracking to use and the more expense ones cost prohibitive.  Add to that my mother's complete lack of rythem, beat, pacing, tempo, or timing and DDR qucikly becomes another overly frustrating work out regime. 

She was worried Wii fit would be like that for her too.  I pulled a couple of articles I'd read from sources that are consistently helpful for me about other skeptical overweight buyers who really liked the game.  They found the  board steady enough for them and the games were challenging without being exhausting and almost all the reviewers found one game to be their "work on it" game and one to be their "good at it" game.  

It must have done the trick for her because the next day my brother was setting up the game.  We've had it a week and my mother loves it so far.  To be fair, my mom tends to work on a diet or exercise anywhere from a week to a month and a half before giving up so we'll have to see.  On the other side, my brother, father, and I are also rather enchanted with the game.  I have to be honest, I was pretty skeptical of the whole concept.  I love DDR, but I felt like the Wii Fit might just be stretching with the wole "it's a Wii, look at all the nifty different things it can do"  nifty and new do not mean good, fun, or worthwhile.  Don't get me wrong I love the Wii and for the most part I like the games too.  But I found the promo Wii Sports CD to be too gimmicky and I sort of felt that Wii fit would fall into that category.  

It doesn't I love so many different aspects of the Fit.  

First of all the board is a huge improvement over the soft DDR pads.  I know they had hard ones to but creating only hard pads for the Fit was a smart move.  The look makes it match right in with the rest of the system and what not.  

Another thing I like is that you can download the Fit program into the Wii so no matter what other CD is in there, someone can always get to the Fit.  This is especially important for people like my mother and father.  We let our game CDs get mixed into the wrong cases and they sort of scatter everywhere and what not.  My parents are still adjusting to playing on a game system at all, they don't need the aggravation of tracking down a CD, finding the right equipment form to play (we have controllers everywhere for anything from the 64, ps2, cube, or wii and we have several different kinds of we controllers and steering wheels for different systems and DDR pads and that crossbow thing...tons of stuff , what can I say my brother and I can't not try it).  I know it's a little thing and my parents are very technology savy, but it's still a lot to get used to and if you aren't sure about something that little whatever can be off putting. 

And the layout!  The game is so clean, I really like every aspect of that.  I like the cartoon wii fit board.  I like it's little voice.  I like how clean and crisp everything is.  I love the loading area where they have that cute androgenous body being scanned and the green light that shows where your center of balance on the pad is.  I love the choices of personal trainers and I think that both male and female trainer walks the fine line between pleasant graphics and voice and creepy/ too human/ too inhuman.  I love the little piggy bank that tracks your quality hours on the system, it's so cute. 

   I like the little games and challenges.  I love that I can go head to head with the rest of my family (minus my sister who thinks the Wii Fit is only for people who don't want to do real exercise) over scores and un-lockables.  I am the hula hoop champ by the by and I just reclaimed my balance superiority in the bubble challenge.  I even like the Wii step even though I hate the stair master and think that comparisons to DDR and Wii Step game are unfair both to DDR and the Wii Step.  (I still like DDR better, but the step game is still cute and endearing in its own way).

The only thing not to like about the Wii Fit is the price and even that, for what it is, isn't too bad.  If I were going to pick a game, it would be the Wii Fit, but some of that has to do with the fact that I don't have enough friends to make as much use of Rockband as I would like to and I don't really enjoy playing single player.  My bro and I still play and sometimes my mom or dad will join in if they are in the area.  While that's nice, it isn't always what I'm looking for.  It's weird to be the expert and the best at the game.  I'm used to being that one subpar person who you know, is tolerated partly because of other redeeming qualities and partly because you know I make everyone feel good about their ability.  Le sigh.  Well, when I move in a few weeks I know right after I get a job it will all be about a video game system and making friends to play with.  I love gaming with the bf, but I love having a larger gaming community too.  Something I'm bound to miss now that I'm out of college and away from easy gamer access.  

Warning: this post may contain adult themes (see I can remember to tag 'em.)  Question: Does anyone else find that they are reading R, NC-17, X, or whatever adult rating for fanfiction porn reasons and then skipping the porn?   

I used to read just for the smut and then the smut wasn't enough and I needed good plots and usually well written works.  Now I'm just like no matter the kink or the surround background "yeah yeah how different is this [insert actual sex act] from any other time I've read [insert sex act]".  I know there are different ways to write porn.  I know there's good and bad smut.  It's just more like I've seen it all every which way and I'm disenchanted with the act(s).  Bored really.  Writing, reading, and thinking about it (which since I'm a bit of a perv, is surprising) doesn't seem to have any appeal any more.   

None of this means that I don't read tons of fanfiction still, because I do.  As much and more so in some cases.  And I still go for the smutty fics too.  Why would I do this you might wonder, because I like the relationship tangles and I like when people don't ignore the fact that character X, Y, or Z is a sexual being.  So while I skip the porn and most of the foreplay, I like the dialog that leads up, I like the little actions and the tensions.  I love watching different "what if" roads characters could have taken and what not.

And as long as I'm unleashing my fanfiction secrets, anyone else read so much fanfiction that they can't keep the cannon straight anymore?  I do this with Inuyasha in general (I know I know, but the fanfiction is a guilty pleasure).  I lost all interest in the story a while ago, but I love the fanfiction.  I can't remember what's cannon and what's not in it though, especially since it seems to me in that fandom that there's a lot of collective non-cannon ideas that everyone subscribes to.  The whole mating thing and the basic idea of what it takes to mate is definitely not in cannon but somehow it's very present in almost every single purmutation of Inuyasha that I've ever read. 

I'm beginning to lose the line with Harry Potter too.  Some of that is that I've been reading amazing Harry Potter fanfiction and I haven't caught any whiff of that before (much as I really started getting into really good Inuyasha fic...though now most of what I read there is pretty trashy).  Another part of it might be that there are so many aspects of cannon that displease me and so many things I wanted to be different or I wanted explored and there are so many writers doing it so well that I just am having a case of wishful thinking.  

I might add that I've got what I think might be a stunning Hellsing Harry Potter crossover in the works if I can work out a time line and some other details that is.    Whatever though.  That's probably enough fannishness for one post. 

So yes people your fanfiction rating choices and odd bits you skip as well as cannon and how faulty your memory is.

1. Fanfiction of fanfiction can it be done and what's the appropriate edict?

2. Interactive fanfiction is there an interest or niche group for such. I've got a Buffy idea that I can set up but as far as what happens after that...I want/need ideas for episodes/adventures and I'm wondering if there is interest for this kind of request/interactive fanfiction.

And that is that as they say. Answers and thoughts all loved.

So happy New Year everyone, before I forget. But today is finally the day that I talk Golden Compass. Some will be about the book and some will be about the movie. I'm too scattered at the moment to make something more than bullet points, but I still want to do it, so sorry in advance for the lack of formate. I just feel like if I don't do it now in some format I'm never going to do it. A brief summary of what I plan to cover includes: why I like the movie when a bit over half of all reviewers don't, some of the differences between the movie and the book and why (I think) there are those differences, some of the themes of the book and what I like or don't like about it. Since there is MAJOR SPOILERS going on I'm going to cut it.

( thoughts behind the cut )

I'm cool with the fact that Nickelback is not a well liked band. Very few people on any sphere seem to enjoy them, and my appreciation for them and some of their newer works is rarely understood. But come on now, who could take "Rockstar" seriously? Even if you thought the song was meant in any kind of serious venue, don't you think the light hearted little music video blows that out of the water? I mean I don't love "Rockstar" cause I'm all about the drugs and the bling and "the life" I love "Rockstar" cause its all about making fun of a highly desired stereo type. "Rockstar" has got to be a parody.

For similar reasons I see Nickelback's "Animals" as a song with a similar mocking tone in it. Yeah, there are teens out there who are all into whatever, but the song's just hilarous. There might be people who have done that same theme better, but don't tell me that Nickelback sung that song to promote "teen pomiscuity". It's a funny song and it makes me laugh.

For the record I'm sure some of the songs I take lightly and as a song that doesn't take itself seriously, actually do. I just don't think that these two Nickelback songs happen to fit the list. And yeah they've got some really "emo" songs that are meant to be serious, but I don't think either "Rockstar" or "Animals" are two of those songs. It's all good, everyone should have their own opinions on songs and their meanings. Just in honor of all Anti-Nickelback, parody neigh sayers I'm throwing out a list of songs by whomever that I think are meant to be the funny and not the serious.

Disclaimer, indeed some of the songs on this list were meant in a serious nature and I don't view them that way, feel free to disagree with my picks. Some of these songs are OBVIOUSLY meant to be funny. Also not all of these songs are parody, irony, or other labels, they are just funny ^_^ And now with all that nonsense out of the way, here we go. In no specific order we have:

The bf and I were watching Batman Forever when I blurted out "I think it would be

healthier for a girl to have Cat Woman as a role model instead of Wonder woman". He turned to me with the usual "I'm waiting" look and I realized I should probably explain that a little.

See Wonder Woman if fine and all, but Cat Woman she's really got flare. Yeah, I know she's crazy, but she doesn't take a lot of shit. She knows how to twist men using the stereo types they have of women against them. I love the scene in the movie when she and Batman fight and Cat Woman says "How dare you, I'm a woman!" Batman stops fighting like a moron and moves towards her to see if she is all right. Boom Cat Woman screws him on that one.

Maybe it's because part of being a super hero is keeping life at the status quo, but I never can imagine Wonder Woman using stereo types to her advantage. I don't see her as the type to insist on her ability to be an independent individual separate from men and society. Yeah she nurses that guy back to health in the Amazon. Yeah she leaves what she knows to enter a new and odd world, not for this one man but for the fate of all mankind. And yeah with her living in an all female society, she really isn't well set up to understand sexism or to combat it. But still, I am often unimpressed with Wonder Woman.

I appreciate that Cat Woman leans on no one. She makes alliances when convenient and breaks them when they aren't. I know heroes can't do this. I know that it is admirable to stick to a sinking ship once you've promised it, but it isn't realistic. I mean realistically why do I have to maintain one thing when everything around me changes? That and for me sticking with alliances when things are going really wrong is too symbolic of how a wife should stick to a terrible marriage rather than "abandon ship" for me to stomach sometimes.

Another thing I like about Cat Woman is that while she's bitter, she doesn't hate all of man kind. I mean she likes Bruce Wayne just fine. She just doesn't like slime balls like her boss who are doing sceevey things and killing any poor person who's in the way. It's nice to see a woman who can differentiate between all men and some men. habits she doesn't want. She doesn't have a grudge against men, but the stereo types they expect her to be. That's something I'd want people in general to carry over in their real lives. And it's pretty much why Cat Woman is better than Wonder Woman.

I predict that JKR's announcement that Dumbledore is gay is about to create a sexuality wank. Sure we're talking canon vs non-canon right now, but we'll move past that. As many people have pointed out, the tracks for a gay Dumbledore were pretty well painted in DH. The implications are potentially fairly clear, though I admit this isn't what I presumed about the relationship while reading DH. But I do often miss innuendo if it doesn't really move the plot along. Since Dumbledore's love interest is long done when we learn about it (what with Dumbledore so throughly dead and all) it doesn't really change what happened or how it happened. Whether Dumbledore loved GG and was hesitant to fight him for that reason or whether Dumbledore was very good friends with him doesn't matter too much. The outcome is the same and I think equally devestating for Dumbledore.

Now what do I think about Dumbledore's apparent gayness? I'm not sure its positive mostly because it seems to me that Dumbledore as a sexual being is completely slipped over in the book. Like most teachers at Hogawarts, Dumbledore's sexuality is completely over looked (makes sense since we are reading from Harry's perspective, but at he same time makes this relevation about Dumbledore's sex life a little akward, I mean we don't know if other teachers are dating, in committed relationships, or married let alone the gender of their partners and then boom there's Dumbledore's sexuality just out there randomly). It implies to me that having a gay character in a children's novel is only ok if their sexuality is left as ambigous as possible. Not that JKR should have created "the gay professor", certainly I don't want that either. But I feel like having implication there without just saying it or showing it is a little cheap. I think if GG had been a girl that Dumbeldore and GG would have kissed or instead of being called "thick as thieves" they would have been "dating". This isn't the case. There is just a shadow of a relationship shown that may or may not have been something more.

Of course in fairness, no one's love life in HP is very racey or well documented. JKR often skips over the relationship development phase. It goes from barely hinted at sexual tension into presto the characters are married/engaged/dating!! I suppose by these standards, Dumbledore's "relationship" is more detailed than others but also by these standard JKR refuses to just spit out the nature of the relationship. What is her motivation for such? Was she afraid to call Dumbledore and GG lovers? I mean Rita Skeeter is the one who "outed" Dumbledore's connection to GG, one would have thought that she'd include such a racey little tid bit.

Also, I wonder about what sexuality means in the HP world. I would tend to think that being publicly acknowledged as gay in our world would make it hard to be Headmaster of a school where essentially EVERY wizard in England has to attend. I would think that the same bigots who hated "mugbloods" would fear gays and lesbians. Seems to me JKR wanted to have diversity without dealing with the issues it may have caused in the wizarding world. But hey these are just a couple of thoughts.

It is possible that no one knew of Dumbledore's sexuality, I mean there would be no need for anyone to know, but I wonder about such implications when a figure as scrutenized as Dumbledore was can keep that kind of a secret for so long and can feasibly believe it would have remained a secret until his natural death (which could have been a long long time down the road).

I can't help but notice that race and how it is portrayed is currently a hot issue in the fandom. The discussions I've read pertain to reactions to the lack of race in shown in different shows, but I want to talk about race as a person who writes novels, screen plays (now apparently), plays (also new), and short stories.

I'm white and I come from white bread suburbia. I go to college in a predominately white college town. This isn't to say that I don't know anyone of another race, I just don't know many people. I do know that most of the time white is not the overwhelming majority and there are a large proportion of other races which should be represented.

Still, I was looking back and a lot of my own works lack diversity. Some of this is because the locations of these works don't lend themselves to race ( two of the main novels I'm working on now are located in mostly white places, in fact the kind of racism bred in the area as a result is one thing I'm addressing in one of the novels).

But some of it is just because I don't think about it. For example I have a series of shorts that take place across a made up continent and everyone in the continent whether they are native to the desert, jungle, mountain, or more mild area is white. I don't know why or how this made sense to me when I started writing these shorts. Looking back on them now, it seems stupid to have not have thought about ethnicities or what colors people's skin tones should be for a more natural flow.

Of course this series of shorts doesn't often actually provide descriptions for many of the characters. It is quite possible that when others read them, they make assumptions about the skin tones that I haven't necessarily added.

Part of my problem with adding race into a story is that I'm not 100% how to do it. I don't often use physical descriptions, and I hate being jarred out of a story by someone suddenly mentioning character X is black. I felt that way about how the Animorphs made Cassie black. She was just moving along doing her thing, and then out of no where someone mentions she's black. It didn't change how I felt about her in anyway, it just interrupted the flow of my story. I mean people don't often say anything if you're white and if all a character is doing is going “hey, this character is black by the way”, that isn't exactly a good way to throw that information in. In my young naivety I didn't realize that maybe it should have changed how other people treated her too. Not that people are run by completely racist mindsets, but even in my limited direct experience, I have seen discrimination. Even if the discrimination isn't overt there is a difference in tone, the way one person will stand, other things like that.

Plus, in Cassie's case she was a black person with predominately white friends and lived in what seemed like a mostly white town. Her parents worked as vets at Bush Gardens, and when I think back on it I think about what a plethora of experience and effects that could have had on her character. There are some basic shapings there, a dislike of violence and desire to help nurture (ideas that help foster the potential that maybe Cassie knows something about violence and what it makes you to use it in excess), but there is no backstory. There is nothing to connect the two beyond over active imaginations. I know the Animorphs is a kids series, one I adored, and I know that there was a primary fight between aliens and humans going on in it, but I feel like either you should incorporate race because it is part of life or if its too big to tackle you should leave it out completely. Half assed attempts to “diversify characters often leaves them being less believable. Even though at that time I couldn't figure out what was off in Cassie's character I realize that part of it is that her color is just painted over her skin. It is hard for me to think of good words to describe it, but when I read black or Asian or Hispanic characters in novels or see them on screen, I want that color to enhance the experience and not just be there to diversify. A lot of times I feel like the token person of color might as well be white for all the thoughts about different struggles, concerns, and experiences a writer has put in.

I mean whether or not I like it, each race has its own experiences and trials. You can't take a white acting character and suddenly make them Asian. Like it or not race plays into nuances of a story greatly. When I think about that sometimes its little wonder that I did just imagine everyone in my stories white.

I guess my questions to you f-list is to what extent should race affect a character? How do you sort of drop the race without jarring everyone from the story they are in? Should race be obvious based off of hints on how the character is treated and how they interact (or does this lead into too much stereo typing)? How do I and other authors avoid being racist when adding race or is this more of a trial and error sort of thing? Are authors justified in avoiding racism altogether by putting in limited people of color who function as well in the world as white people? Do you think that seeing these kind of token characters in works makes people less sensitive to the struggles we still face involving race?

I don't think avoiding race is not the way to handle these problems, but when I think about all the subtleties that need to be incorporated (without turning something into a racist work) and when I think about how the same character white would be fine but add color and now they are racist....it can be overwhelming. I can see why mainstream media might avoid adding more than the token black friend. There is a lot of room to accidentally or inadvertently anger people.

Now my third major work takes place is a slightly futuristic city. I know I'm going to have to deal with the issues involved with PoC if I want to make it even a little believable. It is part of why I am thinking so much about race in fictional works now instead of later. Currently the only character who's race I've defined is white. There are currently two other major characters and I'm trying to figure out what ethnicity I should give them that won't hit a stereo type. It's an interesting little challenge, especially because I know that I am not the most aware of what does or doesn't constitute as offensive or racist and well f-list, its just something I thought, with all the recent journal entries, that I would throw out to you as thoughts about what can make diversifying something difficult. Because of course we as writers should incorporate all the different issues we see in life, but just like there are problems dealing with it in the real world, there are problems dealing with it in a fictional one too.

List because I like them and because sometimes life isn't easy to sum up

1. Have a bunch of little things to post for my own collection will be sorry to clog the f-list list that but, meh, I can be that way sometimes.

2. I have been paying attention to international peace month I just haven't had time to post prompts or really write myself. For those who want a prompt, though unfortunately I won't be able to respond myself, todays prompt is Tranquility. When have you found it? What does it mean to you? Where or how do you get it? Do you think it would get boring if there were too much of it? Is tranquility synonymous with static/homeostasis? Any thoughts of feelings you have or that come to mind with it. Again doesn't have to be about you. Can be a character or a poem or just a block of text.

3. Must post in </a></a>writers_cafe all these nifty new character creation prompts. They are really helpful and really neat and want to share.</strong>

4. Straightened my hair for the first time in years, must show the sister the pics....must talk to the sister at all because I wonder about her from time to time.

5. Should email the brother to encourage him again.

6. Have to call parents sometime tonight *le sigh*

7. Have lots and lots to do. Feel both overwhelmed and underwhelmed by the tasks. Am exicted and annoyed. Have been stalling and am not quite ready.

8. School is over whelming. Not a good think or a bad thing, just a thing. I like my classes and still find them a chore. Got my first A/ first grade back. Am pleased about it and at the same time I wonder if its earned of if the teacher's an easy grader. I can't help but doubt, me good or they are just easy?

9. Have been reading so much news and yet really nothing. Wanted to do a write up on the woman in West Virgina (or Virgina?) who was raped. But there is nothing to say, I mean, just wow. I'm surprised what happened isn't an auto hate crime, and I'm surprised about the victims bravery (she allowed her name and her mother's name to be printed). Don't know if that's ignorance or bravery. One thing to put your name there and say yes this happened to me yes I am not a faceless person and no I am not ashamed, why should I be ashamed. I was attacked, brutalized, and tortured. On the other side I feel like this woman might have allowed or been coerced to do something she wasn't ready to do or that wasn't in her best interest. I feel like the papers can be animals, especially towards people who aren't used to them. Everyone wants their gore. They aren't really interested in a story or in anything but increasing the human fascination with pain and destruction. But as much as I am sunshiny in person, I am very dark in my heart. Perhaps the papers had the best intentions, perhaps she hasn't put herself in danger through the information. Perhaps her whole life isn't about to be stripped bare and scrutinized within an inch of her life because she was abducted, held for a week, forced to each feces and drink toilet water, stabbed repetitively, raped, and strangled. People so easily lose sight of this to focus on something like “Well she wasn't living with her parents so...” or “well she did wear that...” or “well look at how many lovers she had” or even worse, “She was prone to abusive friends and relationships, maybe its time she really learned about abuse”. I get so angry when people say this, try to rationalize something that doesn't have rational. I know its a defense mechanism for some “She did these risky behaviors and I don't so I'm safe” or something to try to justify, but there is no justifying this. This was something she didn't want something that she didn't deserve.

10. I want to talk about the 16yr old threatening to rape a 12 yr old, but I don't know what to say. The coaches of the track team want to stress how good the girls were, and how composed they were. They stayed together as a group while running, they took down the license and they called the police. The police want to stress how sorry the 16yr old is now that he realizes that the girl was upset....HE SHOULD NEVER HAVE FUCKING SAID THAT!!!! It is always inappropriate even if she wasn't upset, rape is serious, it isn't something to joke about or trivialize. One in four men would rape if they knew they wouldn't be caught, and this little stat makes me sick, but it also makes me prone to believe those “I'll rape you” jokes. Sure I know they won't rape me, I don't really ever give people the chance (never am alone, always have a locked door...blah blah you name it I'm doing it to avoid that) but that you would joke about it, that you would find it funny or harmless, to me that makes you the one of four who would rape if you knew you'd get out of it. Seems though now a days discussing rape isn't serious, and the kid, with a juvenile record already, who last month was shooting paint balls at the same track team, who at the very least has anger issues and DOES seem to prey on younger girls got a slap on the wrist. No actions taken...what does this say to those girls now track coaches? That you can do ALL the right things and STILL be threaten, humiliated, and scared. Police will do nothing.

11. Southwest Airlines officially sucks. I mean come on. Neither of those women were wearing anything that is past the norm and you are hassling them for their outfit. I, like many others, can't help but notice that these women have large chests. As a buck some woman I can tell you that there is no pleasing people who accuse you of being provocative because of your chest. You wear a conservative button up shirt and everyone is whispering about how the buttons are straining. Where a turtle neck and people complain about how the fabric stretches. Wear a potatoe sack and you don't “care about you appearance” and are sloppy. What do you want any of us to do. I'll match the look that is appropriate but someone has to point it out first because there is no way I can help looking top heavy.

12. Lots of story idea. For Lauren I have a scene in the pediatric office. For my hunter I have a scene with him confronting a pack, and with Lily there is a nice drinking scene and then one at thanksgiving.

13. Got a poem too something about my desire to become one with the bed. “Desire to meld with the mattress” “Lying like a Log, Laziness in mind” “Desperate desire to escape into the oneness of a dead world” depressing I think might be the over all theme here though and I want funny or harsh or ironic or even a bit cruel. Don't want this sad self pitying lay down and disappear bullshit. I am worth more than that (really). There is something worth being here for (hopefully). I am not suffering (well not compared to other years, this one is really probably the best I've had since freshman year and in some ways its better). Its just that anger is easier to fuel me than a quiet desperation. Anger hurts and cuts but it pushes and demands. It numbs better that tender carefully guarded hope. Guess there isn't anything wrong but you know my own worries, concerns for things I am helpless to stop. I'm just waiting for it to fall in a few months. I hate being so completely pathetic. A year ago (sept 25) my friend wrote a poem for me, one that I still think applies (sadly). From my comments in lj that sadly don't carry over here:

    Jess, just:
    
    She wishes she were lesser
    and lesser, lesser still.
    She knows she could be so much more,
    The juxtoposition makes her ill.
    Impassioned, truly, for nothing...
    But yearns the unity passion suggests--
    She can fake it, oh she can fake it
    (But it's a heartache nonetheless.)
    
    Perhaps the restlessness will never leave?
    Inquisitive, objective...has a price.
    Life's a struggle, breathe just breathe...
    Tis a... comforting! No! Ineffective! Device...?
    
    Stop the analyzation.
    "But my saving grace would fall!"
    
    "No wait, but if, You see,
    A piece of you and them in me,
    Energy mine in those and this and of us all..."
    You shh, just shh, if shh
    Fuck it all///.

14. I'm thinking a lot about individuals. My energy has been focused on Kim because I can't decide how to feel about her. No question she is nice enough I will always be friendly to her, but what do I think. On one side she is friendly,easy to talk to, and she makes people feel welcomed like they belong. She has this passion and energy and still she isn't doing anything. She “works” many jobs where she doesn't do anything but place hold. I really value work, and while she's got a lot of good points I can't help but wonder if the action bely the words. Is she really empty and trying to convince people she's full? Does she really deserve the awesome recommendations she will get even though she didn't do the work? Are people who do this for her helping her or hurting her in the long run, because really if you aren't working and if you aren't helpful, shouldn't someone tell you that? After all it isn't really entirely her fault if no one has ever stopped and told her. Though to be honest I'm not big on sparing people's feelings for the sake of “kindness”, I think its really a disservice to that person. They have a right to know the truth and even if they hate you for it later, at least they can grow and move on. This “kindness” bull crap is why we have so many terrible want to be artists. No one has the balls anymore to say, “Hey you should scrap that, its great it means something to you but it isn't marketable and will never be marketable”, “You don't seem to have the skills”, “IF you want this you should do this” and so on. Everyone is all fake “its nice”, “I like it”, “it shows you and how you're feeling and therefor is art”. Just no, art is to some degree in the eye of the beholder but being a recognizable artist or actor or whatever is some degree talent, some degree luck, some degree connections, but also some degree managing to make something that is MARKETABLE that OTHERS like and value. It has personal meaning, great, I'm the public and I'm telling you it sounds terrible.

15. Thinking a lot of Ian too. He and eye are similar. He has more talent and he's crashed more than me, but we are the same. So much potential, so much smarts and talent and we are wasting it all. We probably piss the hell out of people. Ian just makes me sad because he is suffering and I know it. I know why, and in my secret heart of hearts I agree with what he feels. I feel it so deep in my own being, and it has cut me in the same way its broken him. He's better with wording it, but he caught on later than I did. This little dark cloud has been part of me, an idea forming since second grade. Couldn't name it then and I certainly can't really articulate it now, but for Ian its been all at once. Some time I'll have to quote him because I know that pain. It makes me sad that he sees it because it is a confirmation that I'm not crazy but that there is something wrong, and it makes me more sad because the realization is destroying him and he could give and be so very much. There's nothing I can do about that though, try to be there if he needs me I guess.

16. Haven't seen AJ much and want to keep it that way. In small doses he can be colorful but large ones he is a depression. Plus I don't have to worry about him too much, he's doing well in school, he's always doing well in school.

17. Saw Kevin Friday at a party. I was all dressed up and he looked right through me like I didn't exist. Of course I was giving my scared as hell deer caught in the head lights, hide behind or in the bf face. And honestly he does scare me. He is violent and I know that being with Pines could have only encouraged this. He is a drunk and I know he is a cruel one. He has hurt me in ways that I'm not sure will ever heal. Zac seems to sense these kind of things because his whole body posture changes. No matter how drunk or sober we are, he seems to recognize the threat this boy and the whole frat/sorority is in my head (possibly in real life there have been confrontations, but none of them have been so bad that they justify this throat closing sweat inducing terror). They don't confront me (haven't actually since early November of last year). They don't acknowledge me at all actually, and I don't acknowledge them. Sometimes this is sad because friendly acquaintances have joined this group after our break up and gone from willingly holding conversations with me to giving terse and hesitant nods. Sometimes I wonder what he says that does this to them. Sometimes I am afraid I know. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being too sensitive. Though if I'm sensitive to this, my bf is more sensitive because once in a while (it is rare because I am such an observant paranoid person) he stiffens before I do. He pulls me close and his eyes get guarded. It's these times that I know he isn't reacting just to me and how I react but to the actual presence and stare of these people where I get most sad. It would be more tolerable if I could convince myself that its all in my head.

18. Anyhow, we left Friday's party early. This is part from Pines, part because we had a friend who was new to the scene and wanted to leave (we'd have left with her just because she wanted to go, but it certainly helped that I wanted to get the hell out), we left because suddenly I didn't want to be in a crowded dark place drinking gross punch and pretending to be someone I'm just not. We left because the cigarette smoke was so thick in the air I thought I'd be sick. We left because Zac is a good boy and all I have to say is that I want to go and we should tell the others before taking off and he handles everything for me. He never questions the distress, just lets me babble happily with my friend while we walk home while I wonder what happened and why I got like that. Later when everyone is in bed he just holds me and lets be be comforted by his presence. So good not to push me to talk about things he wants to know, questions and insecurities I may have placed in his mind that he deserves better than.

19. Lucky's b-day was significantly less emotional an affair. On Wednsday we went out and just had a good time at the bar. Played some games got the guitar to place “Sweet Caroline” and “Journey” because everyone's first night as 21 drinking should include these songs. Drank sex on the Beaches, two to be exact and was very much drunk. Had the boy finished the last one and we left. Asked Lucky to come back with us (lives with me) but she wasn't ready to go. Learned later we should have insisted. Knew she was drunk but thought she should take care of herself, make her own choices. She got back alone (not cool) and then was sick by herself (even less cool). If we'd taken her at midnight she could probably have avoided the sick and the walk home alone, even if it isn't a long one, is one no one should do late at night. Still it was nice to have the boy to myself. I like being places with him and sharing him but I love having him all to myself. I am such a sappy girl with the adoration of cuddling close and whispering little secrets and he seems to be satisfied with just that too. I've never dated a boy who's been so patient, who completely lacks a set of demands or an agenda. I really like it.

20. Want to talk about Harry Potter some, but I'm still working on it </a></a>the_willow has inspired it but its still all jumbled and senseless. Maybe I'll hit that in a list later.</strong>

21. Saw the “unknown” works of Claude Monet. Some of these “unknowns” were really famous and well known even to me. Some of them were charicterures though and I thought those were pretty cool not only because it was early on in Monet's life but because some of them were copied from the paper, other were clearly inspired by a cartoonist and still others were just done for himself. It was interesting to see Monet's hand at cartoons. Was surprised by all the crayon drawings, I know they were just a tool before Crayola came along and stigmatized them, I really still adore crayon now, there are a couple neat things you can do with them (though I suppose that this isn't anything that would be “great” art. Also the Clark is really a place for rich people. I come to this conclusion because well there were so many really expensive cars. I recognized the BMWs and Mercades and the arrogance in the drivers.

22. We talked about Porches, which is a hotel in town that is one of the top ten hotels in the world to stay at. It is weird to think about that because well, its in the least well off part of town. It is facing this worn dead mill and the houses in the surrounding area are run down and some of them are clearly running drug operations. I wouldn't walk alone on the streets there, and somehow this is a nice environment for a hotel....I don't know I mean I like to feel safe at the hotel and on hotel grounds and I want to see something pretty, Porches fails these. Though apparently rich people like this whole thing. They want to see squalor and I don't enjoy viewing from behind glass where they eat their gourmet breakfast, whatever, its weird.

Think that might be all I have right now though. Meh. There you are tons of words for you all to enjoy and possibly marvel at or not. Just some of the endless thoughts I didn't know how else to get out. Hope this takes the edge off me a bit.

from </a></strong></a>the_willow

Yeah I did write more to that short.  I think this new piece has some funny parts too, but not at the same level.  There's a little more tension I think.  Though some of it reads a lot like the first short.  I'm trying to decided if they are too similar.  I'm also trying to fix the tenses because right now they are a little out of whack.  I'll post it after I get a few more corrections under its belt.  

I really want to write a short about Spike, but I'm a little too scattered in where to go or how to take it at the moment.  I think he rocks as a character, but pulling him together can be tricky.  He's complex, but that's part of what makes him worth writing. 

On a related note, I've been thinking a lot about different Clamp works, and its brought me to an interesting question.  In a lot of Clamp's works it seems that there is a central love theme that pushes the idea of soul mates or the ability to only fall in love once.  People who know me, know I think that's complete rubbish.  People who know me know that I've fallen in love in a few relationships I've been in and even though I still do love those people to a certain extend, I realize that romantically and realistically there isn't enough to build a mutual life on.  

I'm wondering what other's thoughts on the soulmates bit is.  I'm also wondering if people really think that the idea of soulmates makes for good literature.  I mean its sweet and I get caught up in it, but there is always this part of me that is almost resentful of how often the idea seems to be unwilling shoved into my face.  Part of me finds it boring and cheap.  Part of me is a little obsessed with when these relationships fail or how to complicate them.  But again those are all just my random thoughts.

Another thing I've noticed in Clamp is that while love is a theme the idea of pure love (love that for whatever reasons does not and/can not have a carnal aspect).  I wonder what other people think about this too.  For me part of love is intimacy on a physical and mental level.  Certainly things "intimate" acts can be done without stronger feelings behind them, but I wonder if love in the romantic sense really exists without some level of physical pull or desire.  Sure you can love and care for a person, but if you aren't attracted to them then what are you doing?  I realize there are medical and practical reasons to not have sex or be sexually intimate, but short of those reasons, but even with those there should be some kind of desire.  A spark or a want, and if that want could in no way be fulfilled, then why would you stay with that person?  Sure a relationship isn't all about the O or the aroasal, but I would tend to think it was a factor.  Certainly I've found it to be a factor in mine relationships, even though it is central it makes the worth considering list. 

I don't know though.  Maybe that whole pure love thing is great.  Maybe I just don't understand a love so strong that it surpasses desire or attraction and still somehow classifies as a romantic interest.  Or maybe I'm just thinking too much about Clamp.  You decide f-list.