August 2012




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Apr. 17th, 2010

Kickass Deserves Some Awards

If you can't guess, last night I went to see Kickass. No real analysis this early in the movie viewing process, I just want to say damn, this movie rocked. It's the first movie since The Golden Compass and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang that I've seen and really been like "this movie was the bomb, I had a great time and there's nothing I'd change/want more of/wish wasn't there." (not entirely true with Golden Compass, I loved it so much I read the book and then there was stuff missing from the movie I'd have wanted).

Some things that took me by surprise in a good way that are not spoilers:

1. The fight scenes are beautiful. None of that jerky m-tv bullshit that screams "I don't know how to make a fight seen but wanted one in my damn movie". These were clear pretty easy to follow scenes with some wonderful, if a little stereo typical moves.

2. The differing levels of intensity between superheros really helped balance the messaging and thoughts about the whole concept.

3. Use of cell phones, social networking pages, gps was smart and funny and modernizing.

4. The music was perfectly timed and added significantly to the movie.

Conclusion: this movie needs motherfucking awards maybe as one of the few movies that is actually viewable out of all the shit usually produced. I don't know but it was very funny and it was a cute little action film. It's not a movie I'd recommend to everyone (the violence is very graphic and anyone with a sensitivity to childhood abuse will probably find Mindy/Hit Girl to be triggerish and there are many other pc problems I could think of if I wanted to but am ignoring for a moment of squee) but it was a refreshing change to other stuff I've seen and been told to like.

Mar. 31st, 2010

On Pagan Narnia and General Thinky-ness

I've been thinking about [info]elfwreck's Journalspherical Religion Talky-Thinkiness post and this one is most definitely inspired by it though not necessarily 100% related.

I suppose this is meta arguing for Pagan flavored writing and what might equate a pagan narnia )

Mar. 22nd, 2010

Pokemon Pokemon Pokemon

Mar. 18th, 2010

Updates Updates Updates

Life is a little better. I'm still having trouble getting out of bed, but sunshine is infectious in a good way. Went to the doctors and they've confirmed there is nothing medically wrong with me blood work and all. I did blood work but not scans. The doc didn't feel it was likly there was anything to see, after all I have known "mood issues" that show up in odd ways all the time. My mother has decided I look ill, and that's not encouraging. She is intentionally the last person I let in on mood drops if I have any control at all on the situation. Even when she does her best to help (and half the time she is "helping") we just are too different from each other. She might have empathy but she doesn't do the meaningful relating part well.

I've been wearing a lot of make-up and jewelry recently, I want a nice new style that sticks (or shops the funk out or at least makes me look incredibly put together so no one will notice what I don't want them to notice). I've been growing my hair out some. I like it at the length it's at this moment or maybe a tad longer, but I don't think I want anything past my ears ever again. I was looking at old pictures to help find some young Kyle pics for graduation. Seems that while my long hair was beautiful, it was never beautiful on me (at least not in any of the pictures I can find). There's this jump between my mid back length hair and my curled to my ears hair in Senior and it's just like, 'Oh, there I am.' The other long haired girl is obviously me too, but I was looking for that happier more self assured person and even though in almost all my pictures I have this put upon forced smile--but I look sooooo much better without the hair.

I wonder where I picked up that weird picture pose. Emma is always thrilled to be in pictures she's in the middle of almost all of them striking cute excited "look at me" poses that I know no one coached her into. There's several pictures she wasn't meant to be in but she jumped into last minute fully posed and ready to go. It's humorous really.

My brother has a few forced pics but most of them are him caught off guard in delight and general pleasure.

I'm sulky or forced happy. Most of the time I find a way to turn my head away. Dunno the three of us are so very different no one can ever accuse my mom or dad of trying to make us similar or coach us to a certain way of being (or they could be it obviously was very ineffective).

In other news: I love that new song "Mountain Men" by Crash Kings. No idea what it means, a lot of people online seem to think it's some kind of kink sexy. I think its really just about two people out hiking and adventuring spontaneously and enjoying life though. It made me think of the rockies and living out that way even before I saw the music video. I also like how the chorus talks about "sipping sunshine", it makes me wonder if sunshine is the antithesis of moonshine (booze) and does that mean they are drunk on life or the experience of being out there alive and moving or is sunshine some kind of code for another drug? Dunno I love the song and it's possibilities.

I finally updated firefox and I love the personalities app. Currently enjoying random pretty anime theme. If anyone knows of a good personality theme for escaflowned, FFX, FFX-2, Samurai Shamploo, Mars, Boys Over Flowers, or anything Clamp let me know. I'd love that.

AO3 updated and I have a profile pick. I'm using the Dollhouse "Pimps and Killers (in a Philanthropic way) by hobbitofkobol. It really doesn't fit with the fic I read, the comments I leave, or the works I'm writing write now but the bold colors and the cheek suits me right now. The more I play on AO3 the more I love it. Right now I'm getting into several Watchmen fics, which I'd never have read any Watchmen fics without AO3. They're interesting and I like the different little snips of the original comic that people include. What I've been reading has sort of made me want to write a little drabble for something. Just a 100-500 word tack on to something, but I haven't isolated exactly what or where I want to say something, so I'm waiting.

Speaking of "Watchmen" I know it makes me a huge geek but I really want to see that movie "Kick-Ass". It looks like it could be really enjoyable. I love the names of the super heroes "Kick Ass" , "Red Mist", "Hit Girl" and "Big Daddy". Full of win. I love Hit Girl's costume too, I mean that wig is to die for. I like how she comes out of no where in the commercials and is somehow the most violent and aggressive of the superheros. I also like that Kick Ass is the geeky sort of weak looking guy who takes a serious beating when he dresses up and seems to just get up and keep going. Dunno, I've always been fascinated with regular people transforming themselves into some kind of idealization. Super heroes in particular seem to mean something culturally to me. I like to think it's similar to how mythology might have spoken to people of their day, rising about the mundane world to be something more. Choosing or feeling obligated to do this large task that it seems like no one else could or would do that still needs to be done. It goes along with my fixing people thing I guess.

Later today I'm going to help my tutor child and see how they did on their test. I really really hope it went well, but I have some reservations about several parts of the test that I don't think he managed to perform swimmingly on. I've only been working with him since Saturday and I have some worries that Mom's expectations. This might be my last session and its too bad because there is a lot I know I've done well and more I could do. Then again he might have aced the test or perhaps I haven't given mom enough credit in recognizing the limit to what I can do on short notice.

Cosi and I are not getting along but then that shouldn't be a surprise. They had me work all seven days last week which led me to a new vow not to ever go into work on days off. They've been a little annoyed about that new secret promise, and I suppose it's so common that I come in they think it's part of my job description. Well they can see all the help I've been in a more concrete way now I would hope or at least they will. If not, screw 'em they have shown no consideration for me, there is no reason for me to show them consideration.

Along these lines the kids at Cosi's were having a conversation about their preferences in a sexual partner, and I may have been too blunt in stating some thoughts I'd had. One of my co-workers whose nice to me but possibly a questionable person starting going on about how he was exicted that spring was coming up because there would be bikini shots of the ladies soon. He was encouraging one of my co-workers to post bikini shots in her facebook and she retorted with a you must like Asian chicks cause I have no rack and most guys who like Asians like the stereo typically flat chested girl. The male in question retorted that he would be the judge of what she had to offer in a swim suit.

At this point in time I cut in with the whole "it has nothing to do with how you look and everything to do with how male co-worker A feels like he's sneaking something on the fly by checking out girls he believes are wholesome, young, or minimally unsuspecting. He doesn't like women he likes the idea of having power over women and defiling them or their purity. He likes to think that he has power over you and viewing your pictures in his home and jacking off or even commenting on your general appeal is a power play that thanks to the internet he's allowed to indulge. It's also why he can't seem to get any in real life because women recognize that and generally find it gross." I probably shouldn't have said that (or at least left of the last part anyhow), but really how often am I supposed to listen to the strip club, "I want a young girl to train", "It's technically legal", "it's not stalker-ish if it's freely posted" before I lost it? That the female co-worker is still too young/inexperienced to get what was going on (none of the nudge nudge wink wink behavoir was in play) really just ticked me off.

I can't stop this guy from being a grungy asshole, but really I shouldn't have to listen to it for at least an hour every day either. If this makes him think twice before opening his gross mouth then good for me I think. I guess I don't regret it or feel bad at all then. Well I hope it doesn't negatively affect my job then.

Feb. 27th, 2010

Still Watching the Watchmen

Jan. 24th, 2010

And Sometimes I Just Want to Share Shit

I want to show Zac this desperately because it's the kind of thing we'd both love and squee over. Minimally I should shoot back a message to Jeff telling him how much I adore it and acknowledge that no matter how ambivalent I can be about our relationship, he gives me a lot of really good shit. Contact with either or both of those boys makes my brain spiral into over drive with panic attacks and before I know it my heart is pounding, my brain is on an aldreline hyper speed, and I'm taking deep breathes trying to get the dizzy to stop.

So since it's amazing and I want to talk and talk and talk about it with some one, I'm highly recommending Gunnerkrigg Court to the f'list. It's kind of like a Harry Potter meets Questionable Content deal. It's deep and mysterious and funny and beautiful.

Anyhow I love it and I don't know how something so wonderful and joy inducing also makes me kind of weepy but I guess its something about knowing I've cut out the parts of my life that would share and enjoy and obsess over this. Anyhow amazing webcomic that I've botched really explaining well def worth taking a look.
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Jan. 21st, 2010

A Few Questions I Haven't Seen Asked or Answered

The m/m debate is really confusing for me. Partly because even when people are talking about something they are labeling as slash, they seem to be talking only about m/m.

While I must be the slowest person on the face of the planet it took me a few weeks to figure out if we were talking about bookstore works or fanfiction. If we were talking about professional writing or posted online communities. If we were talking about women who were openly honest about their gender, women who hid behind a male name or initials in their name to get published/read, or women whom had actually created a biography in which they are gay men.

Beyond that I couldn't figure out if we were talking about the actual going ons in the stories (stereotypes, hurtful tropes, lack of understanding regarding the mechanics, an obviously gendered tone of description) or if we were talking about real world repercussions of women telling men's stories.

All that stuff makes a difference to how I see what's going on. To me all those discrepancies and many more make a huge difference in how I see and respond to complaints and concerns.

So full disclosure: I'm a bi/genderqueer/cis female and I'm not going to explain further than that. I read and write fanfiction. I also occasionally read and write original erotica (though I don't sell any) of all varieties and flavors. I don't want to talk about fiction for sale in this post. I want to talk about fanfiction and/or original created not for profit/sale (i.e. adultfanfiction's original works section and other spaces like it).

I don't really want to talk about m/m or slash I want to talk about threesomes. Are threesomes considered slash and sometimes m/m or f/f? Does it matter is while the relationship is clearly between three people, there are sometimes scenes between just two of the three characters? Does a mixed gender threesome vs a single gender threesome make a difference? Are there things that are acceptable in a duo that make you cringed when worked into a trio?

Look I know that as a non-straight female I'm not really welcome in the m/m debate. As a bi person I'm not sure whether I count as gay or straight when it comes to culture, community, the voices I'm allowed to "represent" or identify in. I've caught myself a few times when I wanted to post correction about the benefits or commonness of idea x in straight culture or the problems y facing the gay comm. After all it's easy enough to say I picked up whatever on the other side of the attraction line. I catch myself wanting to explain the kind of discrimination I've experienced as a person perceived to be a lesbian, but I don't know if it was lesbian hatred or women hatred and I don't want other people to tell me which it is, that if I wasn't x I would or would not still see that kind of hate.

I was mostly tired of the whole thing. There's a lot of fail in how the debate has been formed that makes me feel like very little productive can come out of it. The topic is too massive (all the different factors and more I labeled above) and the exclusion of a large group of people (you know everyone who's not a gay male or straight female) has created the unbridgeable rift that doesn't exist or at least I don't think exists in the terms these debates are creating.

Then, it occurred to me that I haven't seen anything about threesomes. It all seems focused on m/m or f/f pairing and I wondered if it had a place that had been excluded here too. I'll admit that I'm more interested in threesomes than slash because I prefer reading and writing it to other varieties. That my fannish interest is that I see threesomes as more apparent, more natural and more interesting. And threesomes definitely result in dialogues regarding a non-conformist sexuality. The people involved face not just gender norms but general relationship norms and in few possibly no contexts have I seen anyone be able to have a threesome that's public and long lasting (emotional and not just a sexual fling) without the need to explain/justify/ deal with shit/ How realistic these stories are to the real world and the exact nature of explanations it entails are very different but except for an original work called The Nomads of Trilos (even then there was an explanation to how this kind of relationship was the norm in said culture and why) explanations were needed and threesomes were exceptions and not the rule.

I dunno I see some connections and I was just chasing how far those connections were and whether any of it is relevant at all.

Jan. 1st, 2010

Who/How is Echo and Other "Dolls" Whom Have Displayed Personality Throughout Dollhouse

Dec. 29th, 2009

Isms in Fandom and the On Going Meta-Fandom Inspired Debate

I'm probably going to royally mess this thought stream up, but I'm going to go for it anyway.

I read metafandom fandomroundup and a ton of fannish related stuff all the time. I rarely comment but I still read comments too. It sort of comforts me and reminds me of an edgy more modern lit class. I like when people tear things to bits and point out flaws and praise and explanations and all that goodness. It's what I've always loved about reading, it's what's got me loving tv and other media we're all viewing together at the moment.

I really only started fandom about two years ago and at that time racism, feminist, sexuality, gender issues ablism and so on where huge in fandom (or in the fandom I was reading anyhow). It seemed to be a new and fresh development that everyone was wading into. It clicked as a familar element from a ton of feminist blogs I was reading and couldn't get enough of and seemed both welcoming and interesting to me.

People spoke about how these issues would get old. How we should soak up praise while we could because the silencing would move in. The trends would change and heck no one would care about the isms any more. I was familiar with the thought. Bitch and other magazines examined this in aspects of feminism all the time. How book publishers are only interested in one variety of minority story at a time and once they move on, those stories disappear. How in the movement there is silencing, racism, fear, and in some cases what looks like hatred. Feminism isn't perfect and in many places it's as mean and ugly and dark as any aspect of the "rest" society can be. It takes part in the same crimes it complains of to different groups of others and whether feminism wants to talk about it or do something about it comes in little inconsistent circles too.

Anyhow, it seems to me that isms have finally become "old" in fandom, at least for the time being. The sheer number of posts either defending or declaiming their right to write and share in common spots really says all that needs to be known.

Its odd for me because I feel like I've been on both sides of this argument before. Acknowledging and discussing problems in out media is important. Awareness can go a long way to not stepping on someones toes, at least not doing so on purpose. Fandom is a nice safe place to do that because the people and the actions are all fiction and no one should be personally involved in what's happened/happening.

Beyond that, I like the balance between serious real world conversation and hey do you think a Topher Boyd slash would be insanely yummy or are they too clashy to be slashy?

On the other side I can see where people feel like they are talking about non-ism issues and feel burdened when it's "imposed" in the conversation. Like if we were listing the pros and cons of Topher/Boyd and then someone jumped in with some "you know what they say about black quys" like thing, and someone rightly jumped on the "that's racist" bandwagon and suddenly we've got a slash pairing post all about the constructs of power and how if Boyd is in the more "feminized" position for sex that has to do with racism or it could have to do with racism or in some cases it definitely does have to do with racism where others get it right and so on and so on.

Personally I'm all about those convos, they parallel convos about female characters and sexism so closely that I feel like it's the same conversation with different words. I generally know where I stand but love when people present that which I haven't thought about.

For me my hot button is in cultural approbation convos. We're all talking about anime this or manga that and suddenly we're told the whole media is racist. To be fair I know that animes and mangas are Americanized. I do like talking about the differences in Japanese to American versions and what those nuances mean or don't mean. Sometimes I can tell before it's pointed out to me where stuff was changed and it didn't sit well. Likewise, I know the big round eyes and weird hair colors sometimes white wash over race, sometimes I can't figure out gender from the sketches even.

I get that some people take this for granted. I get that I probably don't see exactly how bad this is and some of not seeing it might be my refusal to look or acknowledge it. I do what I can from where I am in my own life. Cultural approbation seems like one of those things that being aware of it isn't enough but there isn't anything I can do about it either. I can't stop it, my refusal to purchase it stops my enjoyment from the watered down bit I can get but won't shut down an industry or show disapproval.

Heck stopping real world approbation doesn't help. From what I've gathered on open cultures (closed cultures is another story) it's not that white people eat their food, wear their clothes, or partake in their activities that's the problem. It's that people of the culture who choose to partake in their own culture are seen as outcasts and picked on for what is cool and chic for white folk to do. It's not that white people like and know something about the culture that's the problem, it's that sometimes they romantized, get over zealous, and correct actual people born and raised in that culture that's the problem.

How to I stop or counter balance that? How can my awareness be enough when the damage is done long before I get on the scene? How would my not enjoying aspects of said culture help the problem and how could I encourage environments where natives of said culture could return to their practices if they wanted to without penalty? It's too big and makes me feel too helpless.

So when I want to talk about Naruto and someone comes in to tell me the whole premise is a race fail, I don't know what to say. "I know" seems as if it would dismissive or imply that I didn't care at all. I care, I just don't know what to do. I know magna for many people is the straw that broke the camel's back. There is so much media bombarding them with ism and this one media was too much.

I get that. I have that one media being "too much" problem too. Right now the existence of Avatar is my "too much" media. A sci-fi where the white men come in and destroy hapless sentient natives because they are "in the way" even though it's those people's planet what they know and want is irrelevant and meaning less because they aren't really people -- it is too much. That white guy becoming the native and having a Pocahontas like romance where he betrays but doesn't the female lead is too much. I can't see that movie no matter what the might be awesome is in it. I can't deal with conversations that seem to skim over the many many many problems with the basic plot. I'm sure some maybe most of the people who partake in those convos know where the problems are, I bet some of them aren't trying to ignore or talk around them, they just don't want to have to deal with them head on all the time when they talk about the movie either. My going in there to throw a "this is wrong" fit will not help those people and it probably won't reach those who really don't think there's anything wrong.

To conclude this rant: people who think there's too many isms posts should avoid them and spend less time complaining and more time actually writing new and interesting (or old but still worthwhile) posts on topics of their choice.

People who are all about an ism camp or at least partially involved in one, where do you stand on saying something within a less serious fannish about x ism? Do you jump in full force immediately as soon as the topic isn't addressed? Do you look for a pattern of comments or one particularly nasty comment to address? Do you say something all the time or are you silent most of the time?

For people who want just a fluff post or a fluff conversation how do they phrase or moderate such a conversation to minimize ism outside of the story arch?

For me personally I prefer an acknowledgment within the first post that shows awareness of potential ism and serious material but clearly states that this post is for discussing specific area X. That there is a lot surrounding it that deserve their own posts for discussion but you want to focus on x today. This kind of focus lets me write my own post about my ism issue and usually steers commenter clear of murky hurtful waters.

It helps if the journal owner keeps tabs on the conversation too. When someone starts veering, putting the convo back on track and immediately shutting down hurtful trends that sometimes occur. If focus is shifting too much either starting a separate post for it, directing someone to another persons post on it, or encouraging others to make a post on it.

Thoughts, feelings, concerns, stuff I skipped or did badly at?

Dec. 7th, 2009

Don't Judge Me

So I'm going to go see New Moon. I hate the concept of the books (I've never tried to read them so I can't out right dislike the writing though I loathe the plot) and I find the fangirls (and fanboys as it happens) generally pathetic and somewhat upsetting. This team Jacob/ team Edward stuff that everyone is embracing grates on me in so many ways. I mean Bella, no matter how simpering and pathetically she is portrayed is a person and not a game or a favorite toy for two "powerful and mysterious" forces to fight over. Secondly, we know what happens. I mean who doesn't know the outcome of the series by now? So why are we routing on a predetermined outcome?

I hate that the series is so popular amoung youth and adults that they are using these movies to sell cars. It was bad enough there were shirts, toys, perfume, makeup and so on but cars. CARS!

I hate all the vampire series that have cropped up trying to take some of twilight's success. I mean I just Do. Not. Like. any aspect of the phenomina. I'm fiercely annoyed that I can't look at anything without there being a reference or reminder or a sale pending on the series. I think that harry potter and lord of the rings might have been similar, but since I liked those things and chose to wrap myself in them, it's hard for me to tell if my annoyance is that I dislike twilight or I dislike my inability to escape or both.

That being said a new girl my age at work asked if I would go with her and I said yes. I don't generally have a lot of friends and I have less in the area now that I usually do. I thought a companion even a casual one that I'd have to sit through Twilight to possibly gain would be worth something. I mean you don't turn down someone's first offer to hang out unless it's dangerous because there may never be a second one.

So I'm going and I'm going to focus on what I liked and not think about anything thing else as hard as I can. So it looks like the guy playing Jacob, is a cute looking guy so there should be some eye candy. From the trailers the wolf transformation looks cool to watch at least. Um, I think there should be less screen time where I have to deal with Edward in this one than in others I could have been dragged to. The scenery looks like it could be pleasant. The girl playing Bella is probably a good casting call. There might be a neat score of music. I'm told the fight scenes are epic-but it was a bunch of love struck teens I was talking to so...

Yeah, I'm this desperate, but fuck it, I had good nights out watching shitty movies. I had a blast a Beowulf after all and that might have been one of the worst movies I've ever watched. Another positive thing no matter how much I hate the plot it is not humanly possible for the thing to suck as much as the whole mess that was Beowulf.

On related notes Zac is in Little Rock Arkansas and living with his sister while trying to help raise her baby. I want to talk about this and my feelings and I don't. Maybe in another few days. I was too emotional to even utter the words or think of the idea for a few weeks. Now I can wrap my head around it some and there's a lot of bitterness and darkness to a degree I'm a little surprised with myself. Am I this angry and vengeful? Is it all morose thinking or am I just being realistic.

I don't know I know some personal private information on the situation, I want to respect by not musing with it publicly, but I have a lot of reservations whether or not this situation is beneficial to anyone involved.

In spite of it all I do want him to be happy. I wish he and his sister a lot of luck and hope they can pull a sense of family together for little Hannah. She's going to be one in a few months. To think it's been so long and she was such a beautiful baby. Probably is still a beautiful baby and starting to form into a beautiful little girl.

Beyond Zac I worry for Ian too. He's out now alone in WY. I know his job won't cover the cost of the apartment he's living in. I know he has substance abuse problems and apparently is trying out AA meetings-though I don't think he has the sticking power for that without a stronger support system. I worry about him so far away from his parents especially without a friend in the area. I feel a little guilty because I didn't want things to be easy for him, but I never wanted him to be hurt or for him to lose his friendship with Zac.

Snow is on the ground here and its cold. I feel like so many people around me are going through little winters in their lives right now. Options are closing off and doors are locking them out and whether it's there own choice or not, I still don't want people out in the cold. I'm worried for them and I'm worried for me. I am just worried I guess and without a proper outlet at the moment.

Nov. 8th, 2009

Dollhouse: I think I know what upset me so much in the most recent ep.

Oct. 25th, 2009

And Now a Sort of Fannish Post

There are spoilers regarding the latest episode of the Dollhouse and possibly all of season two so far.

During the first season of Dollhouse, I gave it the tentative thumbs up.  The device wasn't the best I'd seen, but the whole troupe of actors playing completely different parts each episode is really cool.  That the lead was a woman showing her versatility as an actor made me happy.  The different games, cult infiltrator, rock star back-up singer, hostage negotiator, and so on were fun.  I like that Echo twisted traditional roles.  She did unexpected things and took her character to the next level in a lot of the mini skits.  I could overlook that the power she showed in these moments was wiped away at the end of each episode because I like the mini person and in the big picture it looked like Echo had been powerful and willful and was still a force of potential danger and power.  There was a hint of maybe and the maybe was just another taste for me to want the uprising and to see it as a potentially big and glorious event to look forward too.  I don't know if I'm the only one who feel this but the whole show reminds me of The Pretender with a female lead.

I never in a million years wanted the show to become about the actual Dollhouse.  I didn't want to learn more about it's internal workings.  I didn't want to see that Adelle was in many ways as much a doll as the actual dolls to a bigger group where some men sit in a dark room and smoke.  The implication that these men existed and that Adelle had to walk softly to get around them was enough for me.  That she sometimes was getting one over on them and that there could be consequences beyond her power to alter if they were involved was enough. 

  I never wanted Topher to be more than a sad narcissist incapable of real relationships or empathy for others.  The question of whether those remembering or those who don't get to remember suffer more isn't a question or theme I want incorporated into the show.  Hello been there and covered it best through Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind thanks.  By the way the answer to who's better off is always the people with the power are better off.  Those remembering always win.  They have a choice, they have the knowledge and they have the power.  The dolls have to wander around in the dark.  That I could ever grow to sympathize with Topher or his position is to make overly light of the whole scenario  It makes me blindingly angry.

At the end of the latest episode Topher talks about how Sierra was never meant to be in the Dollhouse.  This implies that others in the Dollhouse are meant to be there.  Sierra's story is particularly sad and tragic.  Comparatively to November's story, the only other doll's back story we have a full account of, it does seem cruel and awful  November did seem far more willing in the process than Sierra does.  

Still what we know about Victor implies some sort of war trauma why would that make him belong more?  And with Echo it seems that she was snooping into the Dollhouse's experiments  It seems that the company probably killed her fiancĂ©e and was going to send her to jail with trumped up charges.  She knew too much and was being silenced, or at least that's what I've gathered.  How does this make Echo belong more.  Is it because she was "asking for it" by "snooping around" and "sticking her nose where it didn't belong"?  Echo is clearly upset about her options and she seems to fully understand in her meeting with Adelle that she's probably never going to be Carolyn again.  How is that chilling terrifying knowledge and forced choice make her belong more than Sierra's choices?  

Beyond that, how come Sierra is always a victim?  Within the dollhouse her keeper was raping her.  Outside her doctor drugged and raped her and got her sent to the dollhouse to become a doll after which he continually paid for her to do engagements where she slept with him "willingly".  It's too much for me.  Too much victimization  Too much powerlessness.  Too much focus on what is the most unpleasant part of the show and not enough time using the Dollhouse as a tool to do completely different shows every week.

Echo might have some power in this place.  She seems to be growing more capable the more she ignored and left to her own devices.  Where last season she stood out as "glitching" she now hides that through lies and deception while she tries to lead the other dolls to the same awareness she has now.  When caught we find Echo's favoritism continues with Boyd who has a soft spot for her and through Ballard who apparently considers her the insider that will make it possible to take the dollhouse down. 

As if one woman's rise in power above suppression and cohesion must be shot down Sierra's character is hit with all time low.  As the character that is supposed to be the fighter the gun carrying woman who cleaned up messes, she's become the victim White but still foreign woman to be punished and continually taken advantage of.

Season 2 really hasn't been the same at all as season 1 and I'm not sure whether I can hold onto it after this past episode.  I've been watching and waiting for a return to fun echo on assignments with little side trips to the dolls developing personality, but it's not what I'm getting.  Echo has up and changed for no particular reason maybe the multiple personality boot is what did it, I don't really know but suddenly we were let in too much to her world I think.  It was too much change in her basic doll structure to go so unnoticed.  I mean it was a big deal when Sierra Victor and Echo started sitting together.

At the end of last season Ballard suggested that who the dolls had been always effected the imprint.  He used Alpha's past as part of the proof and it shows again in Echo's responses.  I want more of that kind of direction if we must talk about the dollhouse.   I don't know.  I'm really unhappy with the second season and how the show looks and feels.  I can't give the same defense of it or any defense really that I gave back in season 1.  The nefarious has become too much I guess.

Sep. 26th, 2008

Since th BF won't get up and I've been left in a lurch...

I saw "No Country for Old Men" last week before I left for Wyoming and it was really really disappointed.   

I mean I had reservations.  It never really looked like my kind of movie,it seemed like the kind of thing you're either into or your not (and I'd be the type that is not).  Still, it was reviewed well and pitched as "my kind of thing".   Quite a few (and by that I mean two out of like four) of my friends really liked it and thought the world of it.  They claimed the whole thing would make me really "disturbed with life" and the world for a bit.  Maybe part of the problem was too much build up.  

So when my family decided to watch it, I stayed because, well you know, good reviews, might like, nothing better to do.  

I don't like.  In fact, I think a big problem is that I don't at all get.  For me, I pick up dialog clues and color visuals.  If that isn't part of the "clues" or whatever, I'm not going to pick up on it no matter how "masterfully" it was done. 

My mother pointed out that there was a geometric circle thing going on, which I noticed a could of times, but without her mention of it, I'd never have pulled together.   I saw (SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT ON...THIS WAS THE WARNING)   the repeat cycle in how the "hero" got into the car accident, and then paid for a jacket and beer and how at the end the "villian" was in the same position.  I also noticed how weird it was that the villian had what I thought (and I don't know a lot about weapons or camera angles) a ridiculously large silencer on his gun...or how the shots really made the silencer stand out.  I also thought it was odd that when the "hero" found the tracking device in the money and was shot at, he jumped out the window he actually went back in the hotel to see the dead clerk and through the back door, what logical reason was there to make that move?  Some of that came together a bit when my mom pointed out the other "circles" and repetitions in the move that seemed to in her mind "heavy handedly" and in my mind not pop at all bring the viewer to the conclusion that what was happening in the movie was cycliar and would keep going on.  

She thought the message for the cop was that the whole, cycle and chain of evens was something he could work all his life to effect and would never touch.  The movie proved how little he'd done and drew him to the conclusion that you either die in chain or remaind outside it.  This is of course what drove him to retirement and lead him to conclude that this is "no country for old men".  

My problems here:

-I would NEVER have come to that conclusion without someone else drawing me that picture, because for me, that's not how I'm hardwired and the clues left to bring me to that conclusion were completely lost on me. 

-Even if that is the message and intent of the movie, I don't relate enough to the cop or the cop's experience to care.  I don't get him or his position.  I thought we'd have a couple more illuminating moments for him, but I found his scenes disjointed, choppy, jarring, and confusing.  It puzzled me how someone who could follow a killer's waste so well and have such a complete understanding of what was going on there, didn't seem able to take that info and make an impact.  I mean there were a lot of things he could have done to get the wife to talk to him, he did't do that.  That scene where he talked her made me think that he actually wasn't interested in helping her or her husband of solving the case.  I wondered if he was purposely trying to put the whole mess out of his hands.

-There were tons of nuances and suprefolous scenes for my way of thinking.  We didn't need that whole coin flipping aspect in the criminal.  We didn't need the business guy who hired the other guy to stop crazy villian man.  That made NO SENSE to me at all and if didn't add good dialog or a shade of understanding that the characters didn't already had.  I didn't get how crazy villian knew who the other guy looking for the money was or how he got back to suit guy.  I didn't get the Mexicans involvement, for my money that was just a chance to stereo type Mexicans as drug dealers and incompetent ones at that.  I don't get the scene where the sheriff goes back to the hotel where the main hero was killed and the crazy dude is behind the door and doesn't kill the sheriff.  Why is it there and what did it mean.  

-The only person I even sort of related to was the guy who took the money and ran from crazy villian dude.  When he died,  I couldn't figure out why the movie was still running.  Wife was clearly a prop that would die now that she wasn't useful anymore.  Some might argue that her death was a mercy considering the crazy dude had already taken everything from her (family, money, job, ect)

-What was crazy guy's connection to the money?  I mean was he just like crazy obbessed or whatever?  Do Not Get.

Over all this movie really made you work for a pay off I don't think (can't be sure of course) I would have appreciated or resonated with.  Next time you want a bunch of working class, white male hicks obessed with drugs and money to resonate with me for a larger purpose-actually don't bother.  Either make it a good action flick where I might be entertained by you know the action. give me ANY relatable character, or you know throw me a clue I can master.  Don't rely on your repuation and a disjointed, jarring, poor story line construction to lull me into amazement.  And certainly don't expect my lack of understanding to equal being impressed or awed.  Way too arrogant for that kind of bullshit here, thanks.

Overall no country for old men is also apparently no country for anyone who watches movies for entertainment or a good little jaunt or thinking without mounds of effort or understanding of "symbols".

Aug. 23rd, 2008

Wii Fit and Rockband

About two weeks ago my mom decided that our family needed both games and got them.  Why, I'm still very shaky on.  She doesn't like video games...or at least she's never shown any interest and has often shown contempt for them any how.  She's never bought a system or game before (my brother and I have done  the buying or gotten them as joint Christmas gifts).   She often shows annoyance about the space, care and storage of them. 

What I do know though is that about a month ago she started asking about them.  She started with DDR (which we have 1 and 2 for the ps2 and still play often).  Of all games, she seems most indifferent to those two games, perhaps even interested from a technology standpoint.  How sensitive is the pad, how much weight can it take, what are the differences between pads, how about the lag time from tv screen to game console (there isn't any for us, there was some briefly when out gaming tv got a mega upgrade, but I have a geeky friend or two and now my brother has a few tech loving friends who were more than happy to come explain what was wrong, fix it and show us how to fix it should we need to again.  I know the new games have easy ways to go and do this, it was a little tougher with an older game though).

I was more than happy to jump from DDR to Karaoke Star and from there to Guitar Hero and while neither of these games are my thing I was more than happy to go into geeky in depth detail about their equipment, reviews, pros and cons, fan base, what impact these kind of games had for video games (as I see it) and what now.  Which my mother not only endured but seemed interested in and of course eventually lead to Rockband.  I suspect that she was always only really interested in Rockband and Wii fit, but wanted to make sure that her reasons held true by someone who, admittedly knows more and has more experience and more access to other gamer thoughts.

Of course while I don't like Guitar Hero I love Rockband.  My reasons for this are mostly about the team/community thing with Rockband, but they also relate back to me not enjoying the fake guitar thing at all.  I love the drums and singing, but I won't do the guitar if at all avoidable.   In my opinion, Rockband is the superior game because there are different ways to play, because there the whole fantasy band thing going on and what not.  It also helps that while in Guitar Hero I constantly fail out and struggle to figure out the mechanics, in Rockband I have time not only to learn what I'm doing on drums but to relate that to the sounds of different parts of drums, and really be able to pick that out and break down aspects of the songs in the game and songs I just hear around on the radio. Rockband doesn't deserve all the credit on this of course, I have years of competitive training on the French horn and trumpet in a band setting, marching band setting (one that was a the time the best in the northeast), woodwind quartet, brass quartet, and French horn quartet.   Still, my rythem and ability to pick apart percussion is with a lot of help from Rockband.  It makes me wonder if I should give the guitar another shot because if I could pick it up, I'd probably be able to pick out distinctive chords when I was done (assuming that the relation to button pushing relates to chords and notes the way drum tapping does).

I don't think the singing component is as advanced on Rockband as either drum or guitar, but it's still nice.  It's always pleasant when a machine or person confirm that I'm not tone deaf and can do a decent job matching the actual singer most of the time.   It was also neat because what I thought I could do voice wise was pretty much exactly what the game told me to do.  I'm no singer, I don't have the range or the voice for it, but at least what I think I hear probably is about what it is.

Another comment, I might make just because, is that Rockband seems more geared towards men and women than just men too.  I think the representation of male to female characters is more or less even and the women aren't always or even usually (from what I've unlocked which isn't the whole game or even near it) dressed in skimpy clothes.  I mean there are more songs sung by men than women and there are more bands made up of mostly or all men than there are of women, but the main stream industry is very much the same.  They did feature a couple of women's hits too, though I was disappointed to not have found any of The Cranberries or Kittie so far cause I think both could be fairly called mainstream, but maybe they are too old?  And a lot of people seem to not like The Cranberries, even though they kick ass and a lot of people's problems with the band would go away if they listened to the right Cranberries song.  Ah the peril of being to versatile a band, people hear one song and assume you don't have anything to offer.

My mother had more reservations about the Wii fit and I understand why that  would be.  She is very overweight.  Plus when we introduced her to DDR and how many people used it for weight loss, she tried it, but found the cheap dance pads we bought too nerve wracking to use and the more expense ones cost prohibitive.  Add to that my mother's complete lack of rythem, beat, pacing, tempo, or timing and DDR qucikly becomes another overly frustrating work out regime. 

She was worried Wii fit would be like that for her too.  I pulled a couple of articles I'd read from sources that are consistently helpful for me about other skeptical overweight buyers who really liked the game.  They found the  board steady enough for them and the games were challenging without being exhausting and almost all the reviewers found one game to be their "work on it" game and one to be their "good at it" game.  

It must have done the trick for her because the next day my brother was setting up the game.  We've had it a week and my mother loves it so far.  To be fair, my mom tends to work on a diet or exercise anywhere from a week to a month and a half before giving up so we'll have to see.  On the other side, my brother, father, and I are also rather enchanted with the game.  I have to be honest, I was pretty skeptical of the whole concept.  I love DDR, but I felt like the Wii Fit might just be stretching with the wole "it's a Wii, look at all the nifty different things it can do"  nifty and new do not mean good, fun, or worthwhile.  Don't get me wrong I love the Wii and for the most part I like the games too.  But I found the promo Wii Sports CD to be too gimmicky and I sort of felt that Wii fit would fall into that category.  

It doesn't I love so many different aspects of the Fit.  

First of all the board is a huge improvement over the soft DDR pads.  I know they had hard ones to but creating only hard pads for the Fit was a smart move.  The look makes it match right in with the rest of the system and what not.  

Another thing I like is that you can download the Fit program into the Wii so no matter what other CD is in there, someone can always get to the Fit.  This is especially important for people like my mother and father.  We let our game CDs get mixed into the wrong cases and they sort of scatter everywhere and what not.  My parents are still adjusting to playing on a game system at all, they don't need the aggravation of tracking down a CD, finding the right equipment form to play (we have controllers everywhere for anything from the 64, ps2, cube, or wii and we have several different kinds of we controllers and steering wheels for different systems and DDR pads and that crossbow thing...tons of stuff , what can I say my brother and I can't not try it).  I know it's a little thing and my parents are very technology savy, but it's still a lot to get used to and if you aren't sure about something that little whatever can be off putting. 

And the layout!  The game is so clean, I really like every aspect of that.  I like the cartoon wii fit board.  I like it's little voice.  I like how clean and crisp everything is.  I love the loading area where they have that cute androgenous body being scanned and the green light that shows where your center of balance on the pad is.  I love the choices of personal trainers and I think that both male and female trainer walks the fine line between pleasant graphics and voice and creepy/ too human/ too inhuman.  I love the little piggy bank that tracks your quality hours on the system, it's so cute. 

   I like the little games and challenges.  I love that I can go head to head with the rest of my family (minus my sister who thinks the Wii Fit is only for people who don't want to do real exercise) over scores and un-lockables.  I am the hula hoop champ by the by and I just reclaimed my balance superiority in the bubble challenge.  I even like the Wii step even though I hate the stair master and think that comparisons to DDR and Wii Step game are unfair both to DDR and the Wii Step.  (I still like DDR better, but the step game is still cute and endearing in its own way).

The only thing not to like about the Wii Fit is the price and even that, for what it is, isn't too bad.  If I were going to pick a game, it would be the Wii Fit, but some of that has to do with the fact that I don't have enough friends to make as much use of Rockband as I would like to and I don't really enjoy playing single player.  My bro and I still play and sometimes my mom or dad will join in if they are in the area.  While that's nice, it isn't always what I'm looking for.  It's weird to be the expert and the best at the game.  I'm used to being that one subpar person who you know, is tolerated partly because of other redeeming qualities and partly because you know I make everyone feel good about their ability.  Le sigh.  Well, when I move in a few weeks I know right after I get a job it will all be about a video game system and making friends to play with.  I love gaming with the bf, but I love having a larger gaming community too.  Something I'm bound to miss now that I'm out of college and away from easy gamer access.  

Jul. 6th, 2008

Long rambly entry that pretty much covers internet and real life in odd patches

May. 31st, 2008

Fanfiction Post

Warning: this post may contain adult themes (see I can remember to tag 'em.)  Question: Does anyone else find that they are reading R, NC-17, X, or whatever adult rating for fanfiction porn reasons and then skipping the porn?   

I used to read just for the smut and then the smut wasn't enough and I needed good plots and usually well written works.  Now I'm just like no matter the kink or the surround background "yeah yeah how different is this [insert actual sex act] from any other time I've read [insert sex act]".  I know there are different ways to write porn.  I know there's good and bad smut.  It's just more like I've seen it all every which way and I'm disenchanted with the act(s).  Bored really.  Writing, reading, and thinking about it (which since I'm a bit of a perv, is surprising) doesn't seem to have any appeal any more.   

None of this means that I don't read tons of fanfiction still, because I do.  As much and more so in some cases.  And I still go for the smutty fics too.  Why would I do this you might wonder, because I like the relationship tangles and I like when people don't ignore the fact that character X, Y, or Z is a sexual being.  So while I skip the porn and most of the foreplay, I like the dialog that leads up, I like the little actions and the tensions.  I love watching different "what if" roads characters could have taken and what not.

And as long as I'm unleashing my fanfiction secrets, anyone else read so much fanfiction that they can't keep the cannon straight anymore?  I do this with Inuyasha in general (I know I know, but the fanfiction is a guilty pleasure).  I lost all interest in the story a while ago, but I love the fanfiction.  I can't remember what's cannon and what's not in it though, especially since it seems to me in that fandom that there's a lot of collective non-cannon ideas that everyone subscribes to.  The whole mating thing and the basic idea of what it takes to mate is definitely not in cannon but somehow it's very present in almost every single purmutation of Inuyasha that I've ever read. 

I'm beginning to lose the line with Harry Potter too.  Some of that is that I've been reading amazing Harry Potter fanfiction and I haven't caught any whiff of that before (much as I really started getting into really good Inuyasha fic...though now most of what I read there is pretty trashy).  Another part of it might be that there are so many aspects of cannon that displease me and so many things I wanted to be different or I wanted explored and there are so many writers doing it so well that I just am having a case of wishful thinking.  

I might add that I've got what I think might be a stunning Hellsing Harry Potter crossover in the works if I can work out a time line and some other details that is.    Whatever though.  That's probably enough fannishness for one post. 

So yes people your fanfiction rating choices and odd bits you skip as well as cannon and how faulty your memory is.

Jan. 10th, 2008

Fandom Let me Submit My Queries

1. Fanfiction of fanfiction can it be done and what's the appropriate edict?

2. Interactive fanfiction is there an interest or niche group for such. I've got a Buffy idea that I can set up but as far as what happens after that...I want/need ideas for episodes/adventures and I'm wondering if there is interest for this kind of request/interactive fanfiction.

And that is that as they say. Answers and thoughts all loved.


Jan. 1st, 2008

So happy New Year everyone, before I forget. But today is finally the day that I talk Golden Compass. Some will be about the book and some will be about the movie. I'm too scattered at the moment to make something more than bullet points, but I still want to do it, so sorry in advance for the lack of formate. I just feel like if I don't do it now in some format I'm never going to do it. A brief summary of what I plan to cover includes: why I like the movie when a bit over half of all reviewers don't, some of the differences between the movie and the book and why (I think) there are those differences, some of the themes of the book and what I like or don't like about it. Since there is MAJOR SPOILERS going on I'm going to cut it.

Nov. 27th, 2007

On Nickelback and other Bands/Songs that are Made for Parody/Ironic Purposes

I'm cool with the fact that Nickelback is not a well liked band. Very few people on any sphere seem to enjoy them, and my appreciation for them and some of their newer works is rarely understood. But come on now, who could take "Rockstar" seriously? Even if you thought the song was meant in any kind of serious venue, don't you think the light hearted little music video blows that out of the water? I mean I don't love "Rockstar" cause I'm all about the drugs and the bling and "the life" I love "Rockstar" cause its all about making fun of a highly desired stereo type. "Rockstar" has got to be a parody.

For similar reasons I see Nickelback's "Animals" as a song with a similar mocking tone in it. Yeah, there are teens out there who are all into whatever, but the song's just hilarous. There might be people who have done that same theme better, but don't tell me that Nickelback sung that song to promote "teen pomiscuity". It's a funny song and it makes me laugh.

For the record I'm sure some of the songs I take lightly and as a song that doesn't take itself seriously, actually do. I just don't think that these two Nickelback songs happen to fit the list. And yeah they've got some really "emo" songs that are meant to be serious, but I don't think either "Rockstar" or "Animals" are two of those songs. It's all good, everyone should have their own opinions on songs and their meanings. Just in honor of all Anti-Nickelback, parody neigh sayers I'm throwing out a list of songs by whomever that I think are meant to be the funny and not the serious.

Disclaimer, indeed some of the songs on this list were meant in a serious nature and I don't view them that way, feel free to disagree with my picks. Some of these songs are OBVIOUSLY meant to be funny. Also not all of these songs are parody, irony, or other labels, they are just funny ^_^ And now with all that nonsense out of the way, here we go. In no specific order we have:


Nov. 4th, 2007


The bf and I were watching Batman Forever when I blurted out "I think it would be

healthier for a girl to have Cat Woman as a role model instead of Wonder woman". He turned to me with the usual "I'm waiting" look and I realized I should probably explain that a little.

See Wonder Woman if fine and all, but Cat Woman she's really got flare. Yeah, I know she's crazy, but she doesn't take a lot of shit. She knows how to twist men using the stereo types they have of women against them. I love the scene in the movie when she and Batman fight and Cat Woman says "How dare you, I'm a woman!" Batman stops fighting like a moron and moves towards her to see if she is all right. Boom Cat Woman screws him on that one.

Maybe it's because part of being a super hero is keeping life at the status quo, but I never can imagine Wonder Woman using stereo types to her advantage. I don't see her as the type to insist on her ability to be an independent individual separate from men and society. Yeah she nurses that guy back to health in the Amazon. Yeah she leaves what she knows to enter a new and odd world, not for this one man but for the fate of all mankind. And yeah with her living in an all female society, she really isn't well set up to understand sexism or to combat it. But still, I am often unimpressed with Wonder Woman.

I appreciate that Cat Woman leans on no one. She makes alliances when convenient and breaks them when they aren't. I know heroes can't do this. I know that it is admirable to stick to a sinking ship once you've promised it, but it isn't realistic. I mean realistically why do I have to maintain one thing when everything around me changes? That and for me sticking with alliances when things are going really wrong is too symbolic of how a wife should stick to a terrible marriage rather than "abandon ship" for me to stomach sometimes.

Another thing I like about Cat Woman is that while she's bitter, she doesn't hate all of man kind. I mean she likes Bruce Wayne just fine. She just doesn't like slime balls like her boss who are doing sceevey things and killing any poor person who's in the way. It's nice to see a woman who can differentiate between all men and some men. habits she doesn't want. She doesn't have a grudge against men, but the stereo types they expect her to be. That's something I'd want people in general to carry over in their real lives. And it's pretty much why Cat Woman is better than Wonder Woman.

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