August 2012



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Dec. 7th, 2009

Don't Judge Me

So I'm going to go see New Moon. I hate the concept of the books (I've never tried to read them so I can't out right dislike the writing though I loathe the plot) and I find the fangirls (and fanboys as it happens) generally pathetic and somewhat upsetting. This team Jacob/ team Edward stuff that everyone is embracing grates on me in so many ways. I mean Bella, no matter how simpering and pathetically she is portrayed is a person and not a game or a favorite toy for two "powerful and mysterious" forces to fight over. Secondly, we know what happens. I mean who doesn't know the outcome of the series by now? So why are we routing on a predetermined outcome?

I hate that the series is so popular amoung youth and adults that they are using these movies to sell cars. It was bad enough there were shirts, toys, perfume, makeup and so on but cars. CARS!

I hate all the vampire series that have cropped up trying to take some of twilight's success. I mean I just Do. Not. Like. any aspect of the phenomina. I'm fiercely annoyed that I can't look at anything without there being a reference or reminder or a sale pending on the series. I think that harry potter and lord of the rings might have been similar, but since I liked those things and chose to wrap myself in them, it's hard for me to tell if my annoyance is that I dislike twilight or I dislike my inability to escape or both.

That being said a new girl my age at work asked if I would go with her and I said yes. I don't generally have a lot of friends and I have less in the area now that I usually do. I thought a companion even a casual one that I'd have to sit through Twilight to possibly gain would be worth something. I mean you don't turn down someone's first offer to hang out unless it's dangerous because there may never be a second one.

So I'm going and I'm going to focus on what I liked and not think about anything thing else as hard as I can. So it looks like the guy playing Jacob, is a cute looking guy so there should be some eye candy. From the trailers the wolf transformation looks cool to watch at least. Um, I think there should be less screen time where I have to deal with Edward in this one than in others I could have been dragged to. The scenery looks like it could be pleasant. The girl playing Bella is probably a good casting call. There might be a neat score of music. I'm told the fight scenes are epic-but it was a bunch of love struck teens I was talking to so...

Yeah, I'm this desperate, but fuck it, I had good nights out watching shitty movies. I had a blast a Beowulf after all and that might have been one of the worst movies I've ever watched. Another positive thing no matter how much I hate the plot it is not humanly possible for the thing to suck as much as the whole mess that was Beowulf.

On related notes Zac is in Little Rock Arkansas and living with his sister while trying to help raise her baby. I want to talk about this and my feelings and I don't. Maybe in another few days. I was too emotional to even utter the words or think of the idea for a few weeks. Now I can wrap my head around it some and there's a lot of bitterness and darkness to a degree I'm a little surprised with myself. Am I this angry and vengeful? Is it all morose thinking or am I just being realistic.

I don't know I know some personal private information on the situation, I want to respect by not musing with it publicly, but I have a lot of reservations whether or not this situation is beneficial to anyone involved.

In spite of it all I do want him to be happy. I wish he and his sister a lot of luck and hope they can pull a sense of family together for little Hannah. She's going to be one in a few months. To think it's been so long and she was such a beautiful baby. Probably is still a beautiful baby and starting to form into a beautiful little girl.

Beyond Zac I worry for Ian too. He's out now alone in WY. I know his job won't cover the cost of the apartment he's living in. I know he has substance abuse problems and apparently is trying out AA meetings-though I don't think he has the sticking power for that without a stronger support system. I worry about him so far away from his parents especially without a friend in the area. I feel a little guilty because I didn't want things to be easy for him, but I never wanted him to be hurt or for him to lose his friendship with Zac.

Snow is on the ground here and its cold. I feel like so many people around me are going through little winters in their lives right now. Options are closing off and doors are locking them out and whether it's there own choice or not, I still don't want people out in the cold. I'm worried for them and I'm worried for me. I am just worried I guess and without a proper outlet at the moment.