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Feb. 10th, 2010

I Know You Too Well

Dear Various Members of Cosi Staffing,

I know you. I know your motivations and thoughts and feelings and personalities. I know far more about your lives than you will probably ever know about mine. And so I would kindly like you to stop before I turn the knowledge I've gathered into weapons.

I get that generally speaking your a group of miserable people. You live at home with your parents and never plan on leaving them or getting a self sustaining job or getting the training for a self sustaining job. Most of you can't be bothered to get insurance even though there is a fine for not having it.

You think a good night is one where you get so drunk you can't remember anything. Not remembering is apparently better than living your life.

You go to strip clubs where you harass the strippers and take liberties that are creepy, threatening, and get you kicked out of the clubs. Yes you are the jack asses that make that racket particularly miserable.

When some one joking implies you aren't hot (not that you are unattractive just that you are not the epitome of masculinity) you retort that at least you wouldn't beat the person senseless. Then you stare at a co-worker whom you believe dated/is dating at guy with domestic abuse charges on record. Because what might have happened to her is funny or what might have happened proved she's at fault/has a low standard/should be grateful about your magnanimous generosity you've shown by not beating her senseless. You're outraged when she is defensive and moody with you after this.

When a co-worker knowingly makes a sex joke where they are the butt of said sex joke, instead of laughing and moving on you feel the need to twist that joke around on them. To make like one small "that sounded wrong" joke speaks volumes to them personally and that there sex life is who they are and that if one can see innuendo then they must be sluts.

While one male co-worker can talk about conquests and one night stands and everyone wants to hear every detail. Everyone wants to congradulate them. Everyone thinks it's wonderful and gives extra kudos when they hear the girl was sixteen and drunk while the male is twenty-two. That's all still fine. No one even blinks.

These comments will encourage several of you to go farther and express desire for another co-worker's younger sister (who is fourteen). You will talk about how she is a tease who knows what she's doing and is definitely interested. You will talk about how she is the same as her older sister except younger and therefor better. You have no problem with saying several of these nasty things in front of the co-worker who's sister is the topic of this conversation. You are surprised she doesn't take this as a compliment to both herself and the sister.

When a female co-worker likes flirting and maybe more, not that anyone is sure because she has never mentioned it or brought it to work with her, there is endless gossip out how she's a horrible slut. How she will sleep with anyone. How she looks for love in all the wrong places. How she should pick up men her own age (because flirting with men eighteen-twenty when you're twenty four is apparently obscene).

None of this is to say that you don't have redeeming qualities. I've seen you be kind and thoughtful. You are a good honest worker and no matter what kind of fucked up life you have at home, I would pick you to be on the team during a lunch rush. You have good taste in music and it's quite cute when you burst into spontaneous song. You let me ramble on about random loosely related topics you probably have little interest in least manage to appear interested. You never snap at me when I make mistakes or when a customer is being fussy and I'm the messenger bring back the third plate of food to you.

You aren't bad people, you've just bought some bad shit. I don't hate you, I don't even dislike you except keenly in patches when you're being an unintended tool.

And now we come to the main point. You are smart enough to know not to treat me like several other female co-workers. Objectification and gossiping to my face would never be tolerated. Flirting past the most generic versions or the most startled exclamations would be violently rejected. You are smart enough to leave me out of that, though sometimes I relate to and act in a perfect mimicry of the women who work at Cosi who you're sure like that attention. I suppose my appearance and that warning edge I have when we tread into that territory effectively send the hint.

You should not take my appearance vs my ability to occasionally appear in ways you find more pleasurable as a right to ask why/how I've done "this" to myself. You make it sound like wearing glasses and having short hair are the same as scarring myself. Don't ever say with wonder and awe that I'm a very pretty girl. Don't tell me how I'm not what you expect and how I completely befuddle you. Don't burden me with confusing revelations that you like me/ are attracted to me even though I am physically and maybe mentally so many things you don't like in women or in people in general.

I won't be flattered. I won't help you wade through your hang ups and ridiculous standards. I won't be interested in having a relationship with you. I don't think we're meant to be together because your attraction to me transcends all your natural inclinations. And I sure as hell am not breaking down a list of my personal choices and why I made them. Maybe I like my hair short. It's easy to take care of, it looks good, and it has the added bonus of usually keeping asshole like you from hitting on me (it still would if we didn't work together so often that you've gotten past the all of "this" that I've done to myself). Because I dress in a way I find pleasing, and I don't give a damn what men or women or anyone else thinks about the look.

Anyhow the point isn't "don't talk to me" the point is "don't ask me ridiculously stupid and insulting questions". Because the first thing that comes to mind when you ask me these things isn't flattery or the fact that maybe this will lead to growth for you, it's all those gross ugly unmentionables I started this rant with. I think of those and I think of the idea that you might like me or find me pretty and I feel like somehow I've taken part in something very dirty. So next time you want to say something nice to me, please don't. Thanks!

-Me