August 2012




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Jun. 6th, 2010

Post Wedding Notes

Sep. 2nd, 2008

So Very Busy

In pink because I'm hopeful that makes my stress and worry lower a bit.  Though to be fair there is a lot of exictment there too.  

  • Saw Kathleen this weekend, for what I thought at the time would be our last face to face for a while.   I'm pretty sure I'm going to see her again for a Dar Williams (here's hoping her new CD with "buzzer" is out) concert though (if you read this before I email yes to you, the answer is yes pending on ticket prices).   Anyhow I'm definately going to miss her, it's a little sad to see our college best friendness be stretched, but I suppose it will be good too.  After all going somewhere new and doing something completely different has to be (hopefully will be) at least as good as it is bad.  Maybe I've totally messed that up though.  Meh.  
  • been helping my brother with all of his many summer reading essays and he's not too bad a writer.  My mom made it sound like he was terrible and, well he isn't.  I guess I should have pulled that from my high marks in English compared to my mother's rather acidic criticque of my own work.  Either way, I'm glad it will be easier on him...even if he does fight me a bit on how much correction is required to make the essay actually meet the ruberic AND fit into your basic thesis formed paper.  It's not entirely his fault they wanted him to cram so much info in one essay, personally I think really there should be a summary paper and a reaction paper as opposed to forcing the two together, but that's just how I do things I guess. 
  • I've noticed how some habits you think are dead really aren't.  A few weeks ago my bf was talking to me about how he'd downloaded all of The Killers because they reminded him of me.  Now I like The Killers, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why they would remind him of me.  I mean if I were to pick an artist, it would be something less mainstream, like Frou Frou, Loreena Mckinett, Tori Amos, and what have you.  What I hadn't figured in to this equation is that I sing and hum a lot, most often if there is a song to go with like the Killers (which I would be more likily to hear because it is both on my playlist and on the radio as well as on many other's playlists) but I also sing whatever is stuck in my head when I'm happy or when I need filler or when I want cheering up or just because.  I didn't think about that because I didn't think I did that anymore.  My mother hates humming, singing, and whistling.  She always told me I had a terrible voice when I sang that would drive people away (of course none of my friends think this and I have some pretty honest and musically inclined friends, but to each their own).  I didn't want to hear all that so I stopped singing and phased out humming when at home.  Turns out I still do it as long as I'm not at home.  I noticed that at work, since I'm in an isolated area, I'll often catch myself singing out loud and have to stop.  It's just weird to think something like that, which I thought I grew out of is still very much a core little snippet.  I don't know, I guess it just sort of hit me how much I change/shut down when I'm at home. 
  • I've been having really stressful upsetting dreams but when I wake up, there's just that emotion and little snippets of what was going on.  For example, I know that last night's dream was about packing and moving but it was also about hiding from some dream version of Nazis who pretty much wanted me dead.  I know it's just stress from the waking world but it still is unsettling.  I wish the anxiety would leave me be when I'm sleeping.  
  • I'm making a baby blanket for my bf's sister.  I'm trying to hold reiki energy while making it too, but I'm not sure how well that's going to work out for me.  It's hard to be a clear radio as Mrs V woud call it when one is snarking over snarls, tangles and lost loops.  I'll just have to try harder I guess. 
  • My bf started moving into our apartment today.  I know I'm not there and not going to be there for a bit, but I can't help but feel thrilled. The landlady didn't just clean the carpet, but she just put in a new fridge, stove, and dishwasher.  She hadn't mentioned that when we were looking at it (and by we I mean my bf while he kept me informed of course).  I'm glad we stuck with this appartment pick even if the kitched is insanely small. 
  • While talking to Kathleen it occurred to me that I think I really do want to try my hand at getting some of my work published.  I haven't felt this free in years and it's so odd.  I mean on one hand I can see that my slightly emotionally abusive mother has a pretty strong hold on me still because when I tried to tell my bf that I wanted to work on getting published as part of my career goals in WY I lost all basic control to talk and blurted out "what do you want me to do for work when I get there?"  It's the kind of answer I give my parents when they are working on me.  It isn't the kind of answer I should give my bf.  I should be able to just say what my plan is and he should accept it.  Hell I know he supports me, I know he would want me to explore all opportunities I can perceive to the fullest degree and I still choked up in telling him.  It doesn't matter now, I mean I did end up explaining what I meant along with my freeze.  I'm really exicted about the whole chance.  I'm pretty sure I won't get too far, but at least I'll have tried it and seen if it was for me now. I'm going to be posting more about this job and other work related thoughts though, so I'll leave this for now. 
  • I need to throw up a pagan post at some point in time so know that's reserved too. 
  • MUST CLEAN.  Though I'm beginning to see an end, so that's always happy.  I'm thinking about doing the same thing my sister did in regard to packing my clothes anyhow, which will cut all that down immensely.   Still being finicky with books but Gods know I can get through it. 
  • I am THRILLED to give my two weeks on Fri WORK SUCKS.  
  • Saw Barack's speech on Thurs and I soooooo want to be part of his speech team.  Wonderful writing.  Really moving.  
  • Haha McCain you pick poor vp choices

Aug. 23rd, 2007

Woot the ever popular work update

Apparently if you check ij at one in the morning and expect something new to be up for lunch break, you are sadly mistaken.  Not that this a huge surprise to me, just that it leaves me with little to do during my precious half hour.   

So work update.  I think I've been moved to write some more about my life, but it will probably be later as a more private post.  

Until then talking with Kathleen last night was good.  She told me not to worry about that other incident because, well she could be talking to a lot of people.  As a result, I've privatized that entry for the moment.  It may pop back up and it may not.  We'll see.  

Kathleen and I also came to the conclusion that our dear friend is getting less well.  Which brings me to ask, does anyone know what to do if a friend is getting steadily less mentally stable than they were before?  He was on a lot of meds and stopped cold turkery.  He was moving away from a very rigid dogmatic Christian base to a more open one and has suddenlt sprung back worse than he was before.  He's always been a little obsessive but now its to the point where it is dibilitating him in some ways.  Neither my friend or I can help him with this and our presences seems to make it worse.  The only thing I can think of doing is retreating from him until whatever this is takes its course...which may be forever.  So any thoughts?  

I have a couple of story ideas I want to tinker with.  I think that I can finally return to writing Escape Artist (which I'll post a fourth chapter soon, maybe later today).  I also think I'm going to write another short or maybe two in the modern day short I wrote a week or so ago.  I have two or three scenes that seem particularly clear to me.  

And you know, I'm not going to think of a job or future, because I find it depresses me.  I don't like my options and even though I'm cool with working a job that doesn't make me warm and tingly (I know the extras that give me a happy vibe so I don't need the job to do it) its more a concern of the job and out of college thing isolating me completely from peers or community that I would I think I might still live with my parents for at least a few months after college and I really really really don't want to do that.  I know the ij has some neat community but its not the same as face to face.  But alas, I'll either have to live or not think about it too much or both.  

I worry about the bf too.  But honestly, its far too early in the relationship to think about or talk about that.   

I'm also pretty consumed with the world wide thirty day peace prayer.  That's going to start Sept. 11th and I'm still trying to decide how I want to participate and whether I can organize others to do the same.  More thoughts on that after work though.  Now I don't have the time.