August 2012



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Jun. 25th, 2010


Life updates:

1. Was promoted at Cosi to shift supervisor and I could be promoted again within six months. Right now I'm making $11/hr and will be up to $12/hr in 39 days, not that I'm counting.

2. Wakefield is up in the air, they keep putting me off and I'm wondering if they have it in their budget to hire me or anyone for that position or if they don't want to turn down my Aunt's favorite nephew's grandchild and can't find a nice way to turn me away.

3. The vic is dead, breaks went on me. We're trying to sell the car on Craig's List because my dad can't stomach the idea that she'll be torn into pieces in a junk yard.

4. I can not afford a car new or used. I don't have enough to buy it out right and even though I have school loans, for some reason those don't count so taking out a car loan would be my first loan which no one is willing to share enough that I could by a car with with any kind of reasonable interest. Banks suck as do car dealers and car salesmen. I don't know why this shit has to be so hard.

5.My family is sharing cars until my car shit can be sorted out, which will probably be in mid August when I'll be more comfortable with my promotion and have saved up enough to go from $1500 down on a car to about $2000 down and be more comfortable with car payments-- maybe. Perhaps there are sales or something else that I'll be able to use then. I don't know the whole situation makes me nervous as fuck and often I just want to cry about it (now if only that would help).

Anyhow getting rid of the Vic has brought up a lot of WY shit. Just memories and dreams and amorphous floating thoughts. Not a bad place just not a good place either. It makes me miss Zac a little and I had thought I was past that. I mean I don't date miss him I just companion and partner miss him. A lot of the romance in our relationship had kind of faded anyhow by the time I'd left him. We tried, but our lives were too much on edge for a lot of that. We knew we were losing that fight. But travel partners, friends in struggle and all those good metaphors were as golden as ever. I could use a room mate or a friend like him right now is all.

Anyhow working in Wareham makes me think of WY too. The people there have a lot of similar characteristics to those in WY. They aren't as rough around the edges and they aren't homophobes, but the J-man is very present in their lives. They are very serious about a job that most people think of as a "fake" job. There are warm and inviting and generally lack the classic New England snobbery/ cold fish syndrome that I hate so much. Aloof is not my choice emotion in myself or others.

I feel like part of me is finally knitting back together that was lost. About eight months ago I'd gone to get an aura reading and confirmed that my aura had drastically changed. It isn't back the way it was before, too much has happened for that, but it isn't blue anymore either (not that there is anything wrong with blue in general, but I'm not really suited for that amount of that level of energy).

Some spiritual stuff later but I'm not up for a write up on it right this moment.
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