August 2012



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Aug. 26th, 2007

The friendlist is slow today and I'm in a bit of a lazy mood, so I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth.  

I just updated my profile...probably should have months ago now.  A lot of it was dragged from the lj here, but some of it is new.  I added to the authors and works I liked reading and writing and thinking about.  A lot of them are either children's books or classical authors or poets.  This is really because its been so long since I've sat down to read for pleasure.  We read a lot in college, but its hardly ever entirely by choice.  That's alright I still get something from it.  The enormous list of poets sort of amuses me though because for the most part I don't enjoy poetry, yet I've taken so many poetry classes that its impossible not to have a small army of names up and ready.  As far as the kids books go, well its just that some of those are still having an impact on my writing.  I know what I wrote was that these were works I liked, but what I mean was that these were works that I still think about often and that still affect my thoughts and writings....oh god, I didn't add harry potter to the list.  I'm a terrible person

*Note to self to go back and add Harry Potter later*

"Second Note go back to add Kik's Delivery Service and also to add Wolf's Rain*

Went on a long image hunt to find a Sakura background I had a while ago.  I am happy to report that I've found it and that it is up.  I know it sounds silly to go on a hunt for something lie that, but I really liked it and I missed it.  My dad said something I had about the background I had before (a Princess Monoke theme) and even though I know he hates anime, and even though he would hate this background just as much, I feel better.  I liked the old background and it will probably go up again at some point in time, but I was just not feeling it anymore.  I wanted something with a dark background instead of the oh so much white of the other one. 

I wish my parents would stay out of my business.  I mean I am twenty-one.  They should stop asking me why I do or don't like certain things when really what they are trying to do is make me ashamed/ get me over to their mind set.  I know they don't like anime.  I know they don't like livejournal (ironically enough, I don't like it anymore either), insanejournal, or any other bloggish thing.  I know they don't like my interest in writing either original or fannish things.  They don't like my interest in femminism (apparently they worry that I'm a lesbian...which I'm not, but should it really be a problem?)  and they don't like my wariness of Christians.  I suppose the last on I understand, since they are Roman Catholic, I guess its more than fair that they are upset that I've chosen to go a different way in faith matters.  I suppose its also fair that their desire for a Christian nation and Christian ideals probably if affronted by my desire for freedom of expression and thought with out any impeeding or over bearing actions from a religion I don't follow.  

I know this sounds like a bitchy parents rant, and it is.  In some ways I should be over this.  In a lot of ways I can't be over it until I'm finaincially independent.  I mean when people are holding purse strings over you're head, its hard to let things go.  I will go so far as to agree that since they do pay for my college and they do house me over the summer, that there is a certain amount of rule following and respect that I have to give them.  What isn't acceptable is for them to constantly change the rules on me.  If had been informed that sending me to college was a business deal and not something my family was doing of their free will because they wanted to help me and wanted to send me to college then I would have made them sign a contract with me in the beginning of the event.  I wouldn't be negotiating and wheeling and dealing at this late hour where really I have no choice but to just suck it up.  It isn't anywhere near as bad as slavery and it isn't as crippling as the loans I'd have taken out to got to college on my own, but in some ways my parents have paid for me and in some ways I am giving more to go that if I were paying for the whole mess myself. 

Certainly the amount of resentment I feel for them wouldn't be this high if we weren't in this sick little fight for dominance.  And sometimes I wonder if the past few years have made me too aware that money is power and that either you have it or you suffer for it.  I wonder if my focus on money and its need is 100% healthy.  I have anxiety and paranoira issues naturally and I don't really need to be developing any more, thanks. 

Yesterday my dad shattered the glass on the front door while doing yard work.  He was freaked and with what I'd though was good reason.  The door is expensive and it was hard for my mom to find one she like...I figured that she'd kill him....and then she didn't.  She actually took the whole thing in stride.  I was flabergasted.  I wonder when she's going to blow up about it. 

My bro will be coming home today.  He wasn't supposed to return until Tues, but the power at football camp went out so he's going to be home earlier...I don't know if that good or bad for him.  Guess I'll find out when he gets here.